The Rant & Rave Thread [Archive] - Page 16 - Rudius Media Message Board

disqoteena

12-10-2006, 08:33 PM

I fucking HATE the Christmas season. Wait, I hate Christmas shoppers. The ones that look down their noses at you because you work retail. Guess what cuntbags, this is only a seasonal position for me. My full time "real" job is handling your mortgages, so be nice or I'll jack up your interest rates. Bitches.

And that means quit bitching at me because someone put something in the clearence aisle that wasn't supposed to be there. IT FUCKING HAPPENS. They're too goddamned lazy to return it where its supposed to be, and apparently you're too goddamned lazy to read the fucking signs.

And quit whining about a 10% discount which amounts to around 50 goddamned cents. With that huge rock on your finger, I think you can afford it. Loosen the purse strings a little bit, you trophy wife whore.

Just because something is red, green, silver or gold does not mean its a Christmas item & should get a 50% discount. So that huge red vase, that was back with all the rest of the vases and not with the Christmas shit? Yeah, you'll have to pay full price for that.

Oh, and can you please quit letting your 2-3-4-5-6 y/o's run rampant around the store? As much as I love to try & clean up the toy aisle and as much as I love writing off half eaten candy bars or gnawed on stuffed animals, it makes for a long fucking evening.

Guess what? We know we're busy. You saw it when you came in the store & all the carts were gone, and each of our 5 registers were 6-7 people deep. Quit bitching. We can't magically conjure up another 50 cash registers, so telling my supervisor "Hey, Curt, can you speed it up a bit? I have things to do." isn't going to make the line in front of you magically disappear.

Christmas is not the season of giving anymore. It is the season of complaining.

Big RAVES to those of us who work retail this time of year.

Blackbeardsdelight

12-10-2006, 08:42 PM

RANT- As I've said before, I really hate the reading selections of my AP Lit class. Nothing has changed with our new novel, Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston. It is painful to read so far, like insta headache from reading painful. Enough feminist shit already.

Oh and the Jets lost. Way to go. The Pats lose 21-0 to Joey Harrington, yet it doesnt matter thanks to JP Fucking Losman and the Bills.

Doormat

12-10-2006, 11:35 PM

Rant: My roommate is listening to Moulin Rouge's soundtrack. Oh. My. Fucking. God. Someone give me one good reason I shouldn't throw my dinner plate at his face for listening to Moulin fucking ROUGE. I told him he should be ashamed of himself and voluntarily give up his balls as he had no right to have the personification of a male in his possession while being so flamboyantly gay, and he responded with "I already gave them up a long time ago."

WHY GOD

WHYYYYYYYYYYY?!!!!!!

OH MY FUCKING GOD NOW THAT GOD FORSAKEN THEME SONG TO MOULIN ROUGE IS ON HIS PLAYLIST. I think I'm going to sacrifice a baby and listen to Slayer to offset his faggotry.

Edit: Whoever left me rep typing out the lyrics to the Moulin Rouge son...you are an evil heartless man (or woman).

HotWheelz

12-11-2006, 12:10 AM

Huge rave: My dad knows LT's agent or something, AND WE MET HIM!

Rave: We were interviewed for SI, because we met LT wearing Bronco gear. He signed my Bronco hat.

Rant: Broncos lost.

Mary Tyler Whore

12-11-2006, 12:45 AM

Rave:
I fucking LOVE it when they do the whole "To Catch a Pedophile" (or is it predator?) thing on Dateline NBC. It is the most unintentionally funny thing on television. The anchor guy reading the transcripts of the chat logs, the creepy old pedophile totally denying everything... awesome. fucking awesome.

some_guy

12-11-2006, 01:12 AM

RANT:

I just don't seem to understand society. I goto parties, people seem to enjoy my company, but then I go long stretches without ever being invited again. I form groups of friends and they disclude me in their activities. All the while I build up irrational bitterness because I feel left out which leads me to being insensitive, sarcastic, and cold to everyone. I'm set in some perpetual loop and I'm back where I was two years ago struck again with the same depression I thought I had beaten. What crossroad am I missing to escape this stupidity?

Yes, I know TMMB is the WORST place to post this, but I'm hoping one of the thousands of people who read this forum will tell me they went through the same thing and how things eventually clicked.

I'm no stranger to red-dotting. Have at it.

MrBesch

12-11-2006, 02:55 AM

I saw an episode of the old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Why does Hollywood have to rape the classics, the new show sucks.

grumf

12-11-2006, 03:22 AM

Fucking traffic. Bumper to bumper for an hour and a half on a thirty minute drive home from work. I have a feeling it's going to be just one of those weeks.

Construction

12-11-2006, 10:05 AM

I was having an awful day yesterday. Worst of the worst. I turned on the radio right as "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by the Stones started. I forgot how good the London Bach Choir sounded. Everything about the song is incredible, and it made me a happy man for the rest of the night.

ItsOnlyEvolution

12-11-2006, 03:10 PM

Welcome to Auburn University.

FUCK YES.

I got into college today. I am speechless.

Hawaiian Samurai

12-11-2006, 03:53 PM

Let me preface this by saying that I have a lot of respect for the elderly. Especially those that that had a hand in molding me into the alcoholic loser that I am today, and those that fought overseas to protect my rights as an American to abuse myself. With that said, someone needs to start a program to round up old people and make fucking sure that if they need to be somewhere, they're on a fucking bus or something.

I'm driving down one of the main streets in town when I see out of the corner of my eye a Nissan Sentra barreling across three lanes. Into my lane. After I slammed on my brakes and screamed a torrent of profanity, I looked into my rearview mirror to reaffirm my hatred for America's youth. I see a man that has to be at least in his 70's looking like a dead on version of Hans Moleman (http://z.about.com/d/animatedtv/1/0/-/A/moleman.jpg).

After the idea of posting this particular incident on this thread entered my mind, I notice at the last second an even older version of Moleman walking across the street in a crosswalk. He's wearing those black old people sunglasses and noise-canceling AM/FM headphones with an antenna that looks like it could be used to help radio in air strikes in Afghanistan. I slammed on the brakes again, narrowly missing him. Of course, he doesn't see or hear a thing as he walks about .5 miles an hour through a busy intersection.

Guess I won't be needing those Red Bulls I bought this morning.

DoctorDouche

12-11-2006, 09:22 PM

RANT

Today, I was figuratively raped. I feel so dirty, so. . . used!

Someone violated my intimate relationship with my laptop.

Some motherfucker stole my ; key - the same one I rest my right pinkie on when assuming the typing position. They replaced it with their non-functioning, broken down, peice of shit ; key. It's throwing my whole game off - it's in the way and I can't type worth a shit now.

Oh yeah, just cause we have dozens of Dell D610s sitting around the office, you'll probably remain anonymous forever. Mine was SPECIAL, d'you hear me, SPEC-IAL!!!

But which of you treachorous motherfuckers screwed me over? That is the question.

You want to fuck with me? Fine. ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; (stay put you little chiclet! ARGH!!! FUCK!!!!)

First thing tomorrow I'm requisitioning a new machine with a wider screen and a DVD burner.

(imagine Sam Kinneson doing his screaming bit. That's me right about now.)

InsidiousKermit

12-11-2006, 09:29 PM

Rant: Is it normal for final exams in college to cover material not covered in the class? My microeconomics study guide lists some macroeconomic material that we need to know, and never covered. I'm glad I caught this ahead of time, now I can teach myself a subject using Wikipedia because it's not in my notes or textbook. So glad my parents are paying $30,000+ a year for me to use Wikipedia.

shimmered

12-11-2006, 09:52 PM

Rant:
I hate driving at night anyway, but I REALLY hate driving at night when I don't really know the area. Getting lost on 35 is NOT my idea of a good time on a Monday night.

Rave:
We got the go-kart (http://216.23.183.165/photos32/ph_32_526074_1156368928_file2.JPG)!!

Dennis

12-12-2006, 01:55 AM

So I am taking this Quiz online that supposedly tells me what kind of a dater I am. I am not taking it seriously, but I do want to see what kind of bs it will come up.

Then I run into possibly the best test question in the history of mankind:

Suppose your boyfriend/girlfriend is horribly burned in a car accident that was totally your fault. They are badly mutilated and *pissed off*. Is it time to say goodbye?
1. yes, goodbye
2. no

some_guy

12-12-2006, 02:35 AM

RAVE:

Blind Guardian in Austin was amazing. I've never been to a concert in my life and I'm glad that Blind Guardian was the first one I attended. The lead singer is old but his voice is almost no different that what he records on CD. The band laughed and had a good time and weren't too serious about their lyrics.

If you've ever listened to Blind Guardian music, that shit is just made for concerts. The choir parts are naturally passed to the crowd who did a superb job.

They even sung their 14 minute song in its entirety. It was unbelievable.

I hope they come back to Austin soon...

Angus

12-12-2006, 10:58 AM

Christmas is all about giving. I realize that. I seriously wouldn't give a fuck if my parents, brother, girlfriend, etc. didn't give me anything this year. I already have all their gifts either ordered and on the way or already in my possession. They're taken care of.

Now here's the rant:
I was just informed that "everyone at the office" usually pays a certain dollar amount each to get a gift card for our messenger. Now, I don't mind doing that. I really don't. However, I am the lowest paid person that works here. I am near the damned poverty line. I can barely pay my rent and bills, much less buy horseshit for someone that I hardly know.

I already was FORCED to participate in their stupid fucking secret santa bullshit, which will cost me money to buy shit for someone that I don't give a fuck about. I have to go to a Christmas party Friday to hang out with these stooges.

I was planning to eat out today, as I am sick and tired of sandwiches at home for lunch. I guess that's shot to hell now.

Fuck Christmas.

Roy Jones

12-12-2006, 12:22 PM

RAVE--I went on an interview on Saturday. Yesterday, the company called me and offered me the job.

RANT--It wasn't an official offer as they need to verify I wasn't stealing from clients and I had worked as an accountant for the last 5 years. That meant I had to talk to my boss about giving me a good recommendation while telling him I was leaving. Can you say uncomfortable?

RAVE--Today is Day 100 of my nicotine quit.

Volupte

12-12-2006, 12:46 PM

RANT - Guilt-Trips'R'Us - It's long and rambling, skip at will, I just need to vent.

So, both my parents decide to call on the same damned day about Christmas plans. My mother wants me to come to Louisiana for her family's Christmas get-together (not that she actually SAID that, she just hinted that she really would like to do this and have her children present). My father wants me to come to North Carolina where his family now resides after Katrina for the first Christmas in the new homes. (This includes my only living grandparent who is feeling very lonely and would like to see me. Really? Cause when she was living 45 minutes away right after the fucking hurricane she wasn't in that big of a hurry to see me, but ok maybe she's had a change of heart.)

Suffice to say, both of these plans involve vacation time I no longer have(Um, I just got back from two weeks in Europe, it would have been nice had you told me about these plans BEFORE I left.) and money I wasn't planning to spend. Secondly, as you (mom and dad) are still married etc, I assume you are planning to spend the holiday together as you have for most of the past 34 years of marriage and previous years knowing one another?

Turns out this is a poll all of the kids are getting and whichever parent gets the most "votes" for their Christmas plans wins. And let it be known that despite the fact that my mother doesn't have the Jewish mother guilt training, she's got the catholic version and wields it well.

Yes, I know I missed Thanksgiving because I was on vacation. Yes, I know you were in the hospital and they thought you were having a stroke. Yes, I know you like us to all be together for the holidays. No, it's not going to be your last one, dammit, stop saying that. Yes, I know you and Dad aren't getting any younger.

Seriously, is there a course they take? My father is not as good at the guilt tripping, even though I've been reminded twice that I don't call my grandmother enough and she could "go" at any time. He, instead, has resorted to bribery by offering to pay for my plane ticket to NC for the weekend.

Oh yeah, I'm feeling that Christmas spirit now. And I still need to buy gifts!

Edit: No, I haven't made a decision yet. Like I need pressure from you too!

simms

12-12-2006, 01:02 PM

RANT: I got some big basketball games coming up, and I can't get a single motherfucking coach to call me back who's supposed to trade me game film. Hey, asshole ... pick up the fucking phone and return my call so I can be better prepared for my games coming up. But I'm sure once you need your films, you'll be all over this fucking phone. I really hope you eat a dick.

and for the record, I need the films because I can't go see the other games because they're being played the same time we play.

RAVE: holy fucking shit in a box. Did all those coaches read this board? Not 5 minutes after I finished writing my rant, 3 coaches called me back and we set up plans for our exchange. Thank you TMMB for making my day. Now I can go back to oggling the cheerleaders without worry, besides being seen.

spenner

12-12-2006, 01:06 PM

The Allen Iverson era in Philadelphia is about to come to an end. It was said in today's newspaper, that the Sixers have taken AI out of the pre-game highlights/introduction video on the jumbotron, cleaned out his locker, etc. It's gonna be great seeing a video featuring #12 Kevin Ollie. Well, not that anyone will see it because last night's attendance was at 11,000, but it was even much lower than that.

Ever since the year 2000, when the Sixers nearly traded AI to the Detroit Pistons (thanks Matt Geiger for not allowing that to go thru), there have been AI trade rumors every summer. As recent as this past years draft (AI to Boston rumors). I just figured it was gonna be like this the rest of AI's career, but ultimately he would finish his career as a Philadelphia 76er - with or without a ring. As it turns out, that won't be the case.

I know this is better for the Sixers in the long-run. I am a huge AI fan, but I was a Sixer's fan first, so I should be happy. These Sixers are far from the Sixers of just five years ago. It's time to start the re-building process. But I am incredibly sad. I was 14 years old when the Sixers traded Sir Charles Barkley to the Suns in return for NOTHING. I followed his whole career in Philly, and was in tears when they traded him. It's been 14 years since the Sixers traded Barkley and I am now a grown man at 28 years old. While the Sixers haven't traded AI yet, I feel like my 14 year old self again when Barkley was gone. All I want to do is sit here and aimlessly watch Youtube videos of AI.

Iverson hasn't always been a model citizen, but every time he stepped onto the court he played harder then any player I've watched play in the NBA in my lifetime. The thousands upon thousands of drives he's taken to the hole during his Sixers career and got slammed down. The amount of injuries and ailments he's had and yet still went out there and was among the top if not the top MPG guy in the league. People are so fast to point to all the negatives. Listening to sports radio this week, it makes me sick how ungrateful people can be. Everything that AI has done for the city and Sixers takes a back seat to AI missing practice here and there and this and that. I remember when the Sixers drafted AI. He single-handedly brought back excitement to Philly basketball when it seemed like there was no hope.

From crossing over MJ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVdPbr6O4fo) his rookie year to stepping over Tyronn Lue, in the '01 finals (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79WSHpMU894), there are so many great memories. I can't name my favorite, but the game that stands out in my mind is game 6 of the 2001 ECF. The Sixers were being crushed in that game. Down by 29 points going into the fourth quarter. The game was over. The Bucks were on fire, Ray Allen especially. But I still kept watching the game. And what happened? The Sixers still lost. But what a fourth quarter it was. Iverson scored 26 points in the quarter and by himself made a game of it. I think this really epitomizes what the glory years of the Iverson era were all about. During those years, I never felt like the Sixers were out of the game. I thought any game, any situation even, was winnable. Why? Because the Sixers had Allen Iverson and the other team didn't.

The people who have been calling to trade AI for the past couple years are finally gonna get what they wanted. Watching an AI-less Sixers team is gonna be a lot different and painful for awhile. So thanks for the past 10.5 years, AI. (http://youtube.com/watch?v=v5I7ilIRJgQ) Hope you win a championship - even though it won't be with the Sixers.

shegirl

12-12-2006, 01:15 PM

RANT:

I almost hit a god damn deer on my way home from the bar last night. I was sure the thing was going to come flying over the windshield, through the soft top and land in my backseat. If I were a man I'd think that was the easiest kill ever, drive it home, hang it up, let it bleed out, cut it up, cook it and eat it.

RAVE:

The recent additions to The Booty Thread......ummm, yeah. Roxanne you made me shift in my desk chair. Nice pics!

MiddleAgedAdolescent

12-12-2006, 03:12 PM

Rant
The show that has been my life since October is over and I have NOTHING to do. So here comes my regular post-show depression, compounded by the normal depression that comes from this time of year. I complained about doing shows back-to-back, yet I would be in one now if I could.

Rave
I made several new friends in the show and plan to keep up with them. A director I like has asked me to audition for her show in January. I'm hoping that means a lock on a good part. I'll be having cabin-fever bad by then. My daughter will be coming home from university this weekend and she always brightens the house. My youngest had a role in his high school play, and did a very good job. Later he asked me for my honest critique of his work and I damn near cried in front of him. When you see your kids doing something you love to do, and doing it well...there's just not much better in life.

Third Eye Open

12-12-2006, 04:07 PM

Big Fucking Rave

My truck has been having an intermittent starting problem, mainly when off for more than 5 hours. After much procrastination, I finally bought the Chilton manual for it, and did a little online research. The Idle Air Control Valve seemed to be the overwhelming suspect. Went to AutoZone last night, installed it, and my truck has been running like a champ all day!

3 months of frustration and 40 bucks later...

Davis1

12-12-2006, 04:10 PM

When I ask you to do something, dont tell me "I have an MBA"....I know that, dick, I was the hiring manager that you interviewed with !!!

...did you think that I just glanced over that when reading your resume ? if I want your MBA having ass to help me file, get a presentation ready, or sweep the goddamn floor, and you dont want to do it, give me a good reason and rationale, I am open to suggestions, but "I have an MBA" doesnt give you license to pick and choose. You will get your check (and possibly a bonus, at least if you dont keep this shit up) whether you are doing compliance analysis of exchange trades or filing paperwork that needs to be sent to the regulators, ok ?????????

(and I do understand that you probably dont like me because I am your manager and I dont have that golden paper, but it took me years to earn my stripes because i dont have that piece of paper, ok ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!)

Blackbeardsdelight

12-12-2006, 04:33 PM

God damn concussion. I can't do anything athletic for awhile, and the fucking headaches don't stop.

Good news is no gym for awhile, which means no more "weight training" or "cardio". I hate fake shit like that.

grumf

12-13-2006, 02:45 AM

Rave: Just got back my second semester results from my third year at university, best set of results so far and no fails which means finally next year I only have to do the standard set course work with no overloading which is fucking awesome because this year I had to overload in both semesters in order for next year to be my last. Even better is I have above the minimum required marks for elective courses meaning I should be one of the lucky 25 or so who gets accepted into the petroleum processing unit run by BP. Just got to keep that average above 75% in order to graduate with honors.

Tenga Ray

12-13-2006, 02:49 AM

Rant/Rave

I can't seem to finish up my last few papers of the semester. They are now, officially, over due. However, I did almost finish my Christmas shopping. Futhermore, I only felt the urge to keep three of the items I bought for someone else as my own... so I'm proud of me.

_josh

12-13-2006, 02:53 AM

RAVE:

I just got my set of marks back for two of my classes this semester. I got an A+ in my English 300 course, and a B+ in my Psych 498 course. I don't think the rest of my classes will be as good, but oh well.

RANT:

I woke up after a hard night of drinking and a whitehead decided to pop up on my fucking cheek. Since when do 21 year olds get fucking pimples? Sick.

Not_One

12-13-2006, 11:49 AM

RANT:
How is it FUCKING possible that it just took 15 minutes and 2 people in my university's ITS to figure out that ITS is indeed the WRONG place to call for printing problems in an ITS LAB!? I mean, could they not have told me they are not the people to talk to when I first explained my problem? I have exams to study for and outlines to print, I just don't have time to deal with idiots right now. And furthermore, why is ITS the WRONG place to call when the problem is printing? And finally, since they are indeed the wrong place to call, is it too much to expect that I-T-FUCKING-S might know the correct place at the university to call about PRINTING PROBLEMS?!!? I hate my university with every fiber of my being right now.

death

12-13-2006, 01:08 PM

I lost my fucking checkbook last night. It WAS in my coat pocket. So, of course I call every place that I went and ask them if they might have it, ignoring that none of them open until four. The first restaurant was run by people who spoke heavily accented English and the following conversation ensued:

Death: I'm calling because I lost my checkbook and I ate at your restaurant last night and maybe it's there.
Asshole: I'm sorry, we're not open until four
D: Ok. So can I know if my checkbook is there at least?
A: No. We're not open until four. Call back then.
D: What does that have to do with anything?
A: Wait until four and then call back
D: But that has nothing to do with what I'm asking
A: I don't speak english
D: Then what the fuck are you doing answering the phone, asshole?

at which point I hung up pissed.

I called back about 15 minutes later when somebody else picked up the phone and was nice enough to tell me that they didn't have my checkbook. Still, some part of me thinks that if you're running a restaurant in the middle of a neighborhood filled with white college kids, maybe speaking English is a good idea BEFORE YOU PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE.

disqoteena

12-13-2006, 01:10 PM

Who the fuck schedules a 2 hour long conference call at 4:30 on a Friday?!

Dick Trickle

12-13-2006, 01:33 PM

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
How do you set off your pepper spray in the office? My eyes nose and throat are now burning. Off to the shop to hose off now. All I can think of right now is the Ralph Wiggum quote it tastes like burning.

jerk store

12-13-2006, 02:09 PM

Rant:
How in the fuck do you expect me to perform my office duties, which you bestowed on me after your very messy breakup with your business partner, when I don't even have a fucking desk to work at. I have papers everywhere; between the fax machine and the wall, between the pen holder and the computer monitor, on the floor next to me...EVERYWHERE! (The desk I am working at now is a small counter top which is home to 3 computers and the fax machine) This sucks porcupine nuts.

Rave:
Fuck you, I'm calling our ISP and getting DSL. This dial-up shit is retarded for what you want me to do...asshole.

CaptCapital

12-13-2006, 07:38 PM

Fuck you, 'Rainbow 6: Vegas'.

You won't run on my laptop because my processing speed isn't high enough? Are you fuckers retarded? What kind of laptop has a 3GHz mobile processor? Nevermind the fact that I'm running 2 gigs of ram and a 512 Radeon, the fact that my chip is a measly 2GHz is going to prevent your game from making it to the fucking loading screen? What are you keeping on that loading screen? Does your logo flash to the side, leaving a trail of a billion glistening crystals that each try to launch their very own PDF file?

I ran 'F.E.A.R' and the last 'Ghost Recon' on the highest resolution settings. Are you reading that? My machine rendered Mexico Fucking City for me to have firefights in, and now you're telling me that the MGM Grand is a bit too much?

Take your next gen system reqs and shove 'em, Tom Clancy.

sillylittlefreak

12-13-2006, 09:19 PM

Fuck you, 'Rainbow 6: Vegas'.

You won't run on my laptop because my processing speed isn't high enough?
It's probably SpeedStep. Try turning your settings to "Always On".

or

Download and install Notebook Hardware Control (http://www.pbus-167.com/), it should do everything you need for you.

BudLight

12-13-2006, 09:45 PM

Rant: I almost killed a kid today. On my home from work I was driving down a residential street, had to slow behind a parked van for a car coming the other way. I pulled up around the van and some stupid ten-year-old ADD fuck comes wheeling around the side of the van on his little shitty Spiderman bike and almost puts himself across my windshield. If I wouldn't have already been looking right where he came out, I would have killed him.

Rave: Evaluations and raises January 2.

MoreCowbell

12-13-2006, 10:01 PM

Rant: I am getting so fucking sick of college applications. The whole process is mind-numbing. I think my brain will explode if I write one more inane essay.

Rave: Just finished the last of my applications. All fucking fourteen of them.

HotWheelz

12-14-2006, 01:33 AM

Rant: I am surrounded by incompetent nurses. Again, I ask, would someone like to be my nurse?

Edit: Example

http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a71/reddeadraul/pee.jpg

smurfette

12-14-2006, 10:25 AM

Rave: My students are freaking awesome! They took a collection and bought me the Lego Imperial Star Destroyer for Christmas. I'm going to put it together over break, and hang it from my classroom ceiling along with the Millennium Falcon, Tantive IV, and other smaller ships I have.

Texas Jones

12-14-2006, 10:33 AM

RANT: Some poor person broke into my car and stole my wallet and cell phone while I was at the gym. It was my fault for leaving the shit there, they probably watched me leave it. However, FUCK THAT NOISE. There's glass all over the place and I feel violated. That's right, violated. I hope they enjoyed using none of my cards and the lack of cash. The fucking wallet was worth more than its contents. I'm going to pistol whip some vagrant.

Gangston Cashwell

12-14-2006, 10:44 AM

RANT: Some of you know I work in a fitness center part time and thus have to listen to the radio. This rant is for every radio station having Christmas music creeping into and perverting the standard broadcast. Nobody except reindeer with bulbous, glowing snouts wants to hear that shit, especially in the morning.

I was having a FINE 80's morning today, they were playing Eurythmics, New Order, I even heard Joan Jett. It was all fun and games on the Internets, making fun of a daft, soon to be banned individual. Then all of the sudden, a bloody carol comes on and I could feel the distinct whoosh of my soul attempting escape. I sucker punched that bitch back in, but this still sucks.

EDIT: Why is my roommate's girlfriend so fat, and ugly, and attached? I mean I know her mass causes physical attraction (I swear I saw my red Swingline float towards her one day) but I just don't get how she's allowed a continued presence in his life. It's not like she's smart, funny, or interesting. She's just an amorphous blob. Gelatinous cube, if you will.

EDIT 2, THE EDITENING: Does anyone know how the term "as they are wont to do..." or "want to do" is used correctly? I hear it so many ways and spellings I can only imagine it's being horribly maligned in use. What's it come from?

simms

12-14-2006, 02:17 PM

RAVE: so I finally get the basketball tapes I need to scout games, and as I'm watching it there's a 10 second clip of porn in the beginning. They had to have taped over an old used tape, but damn, what a nice surprise. At first I was confused thinking I put in the wrong tape as there's a dude pounding away at this blonde bitch when all of a sudden it cuts out to my game. Well thank you very much.

I'm a high school basketball coach, so this type of "mistake" is beyond rare. It's probably a good thing I watched the tape before showing my team. Of course, half of those little fucks probably wouldn't even know what the fuck they were watching. But that's a rant for another day...

toytoy88

12-14-2006, 06:37 PM

Awhile ago I documented my horror and dismay about the mice that decided to call my house their winter home.

For the most part, I cleared them out and sent them to horrible and sometimes sadistic demises. All except one.

Unlike the other mice, this one was brown in color and has balls the size of ripe grapefruit. Not literally of course, an inch long mouse with softball sized testicles would have made an unique pet and been a constant source of amusement and self pity.

This little guy has balls in the classic Mafioso definition.

About a week ago I purchased a product called a "Tin Cat." It's a mousetrap that supposedly requires no baiting and "Mice just run into it" according to the testimonials. I did plenty of research and people agreed unanimously that this was the greatest thing ever for catching mice. I'm not one to normally believe hyperbole, but I figured if so many people swore by it, it might just work.

I got home with my newly acquired weapon in the war on mice and hastily unpacked it. It's an approximately 12" x 6" rectangular metal box with openings at both ends for the mice to run into. What struck me the most was there was no reason for the mice to enter it and obviously they needed some incentive, so I threw a couple of spoonfuls of peanut butter inside.

Pleased with the superiority that evolution have provided me over small rodents I placed the trap where I had seen the little vermin the most. And I waited.

About an hour later while I sat bemused on the couch by some DVD, I saw my foe come out of my bedroom intently sniffing the air. I stiffened up and watched him, clearly he was going to take my bait and my long nightmare would be over. He cautiously walked up to the "Tin Cat" and sniffed....I just knew that peanut butter would be to much for him and he would run into the trap and I could do as I pleased to his worthless carcass. I had visions of gladiatorial fights between my captured enemies fueled by forced, and probably unwanted, copious amounts of high grain alcohol. Historically accurate recreations of Tiananmen Square, and what ever else crossed my mind and then the unthinkable happened.

The mouse looked at me, looked at the "Tin Cat", looked back at me, then squeaked his dismay at my efforts and ran off. The little SOB was now taunting me and what followed was a week's worth of his playing the Roadrunner to my Wile E. Coyote. Every trap and well thought out plan to win the battle was met with utter humiliation on my part. A mouse was outsmarting me and even worse, he was relishing that fact by indignantly squeaking at me every chance he got.

At one point I thought for sure I had him. I had my upright vacuum cleaner stationed close to my parrot's cage because the mouse had already shown he loved to pick up the uneaten seeds my bird would throw from his cage, so I was vacuuming several times a day to keep him away and to pique his interest in the peanut butter.

One day I saw him run under my vacuum. My vacuum has the beater bar of death, and I had to think about this one for a moment. Sure, it would make a mess but at least I'd be rid of the little bastard. So I slowly walked to my vacuum and turned it on, I screamed "Take that you little Son of a Bitch." My bird stared at me like I was insane, but he should be used to my tantrums by now. There's no way that mouse could escape being beaten to death, no way at all.

But ten seconds later he darted out from under the vacuum, stood on his hind legs and defiantly squeaked at me. Again.

Today, I'd finally had enough and went and bought a good old fashioned snap mouse trap, I baited it with peanut butter and put it in place of the failed Tin Cat. While I was walking away with the thus far useless box of metal that had promised to end my mouse problems, the mouse darted from under my couch and got close enough for me to hit him with the failed trap. I released it with the fury of a Nolan Ryan fastball, circa 1975. After bouncing off the mouse, it ricocheted and did substancial damage to my sheetrock, but at least the smart aleck mouse was now a twitching pile of fur, gasping for his last breath on my floor.

I think they need to update their instructions on how to use the Tin Cat. It sucks as a passive trap, but it's highly effective as a offensive weapon.

badkarma6

12-14-2006, 10:31 PM

Rave

One month from today, January 14th, Jack Bauer is back. Day 6 of 24 arrives and Jack will be there to rock your fucking face off, kill terrorists by the bushel, and spread the Avian Bird Flu through China like fucking wildfire.

thapa

12-14-2006, 11:29 PM

HUGE RAVE:

The December 18, 2006 issue of the New Yorker has a nine page article by George Packer (author of Assassin's Gate (http://www.amazon.com/Assassins-Gate-America-Iraq/dp/0374530556/sr=8-1/qid=1166156551/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/105-9878077-2065245?ie=UTF8&s=books)) that is so good it validated my decision to subscribe to The New Yorker in the first place.

The article concerns the nature of the "War on Terrorism" and the development/refinement of counterinsurgency tactics, yet it's written in a manner as affecting as a Michael Yon piece or goddamn I'm speechless...

It is not available online, only in the actual physical magazine.

I will be repping this to those few friends of mine with extant brain cells.

Lorelei

12-15-2006, 12:29 AM

I FINISHED LAW SCHOOL!

corkhead32

12-15-2006, 03:25 AM

Rant: I'm currently in the process of pulling an All-Nighter, with two exams tomorrow. Not even close to being ready.

Rave: I am ROLLING on caffeine. I am going to dominate these exams even if it means my heart explodes from the awful dose of taurine/caffeine it's taking.

kaliente

12-15-2006, 06:01 AM

Dear diary,

I am grateful for the unscrupulous women that have been brought forth into my life. I am grateful for the enterainment you have brought upon me tonight.

My night was going to consist of me sitting at home watching old runs of tv shows, but you have shown me otherwise.

Thank you for bringing my motherfucking mojo back. I have missed it so. Thank you for bringing me whores with no morals and thank you for bringing me those same whores where I have to do absolutely no work to get a blow job. Thank you for letting me blow my load and then having her leave absolutely satisfied.

Keep this coming and I will eventually see the light. I will see the light to your sinful, unforgiving, and pleasuarable ways.

NDRudy

12-15-2006, 02:01 PM

Goddamn you people.

The pace of the fast lane is set by the fastest car. I don't give a shit if you think 70 is really fast, I drive faster. Get the goddamn hell out of my way.

gumby

12-15-2006, 02:30 PM

Rave: girlscout thinmint cookies went on sale today...there was much rejoycing

TheWhiteDevil42

12-15-2006, 02:39 PM

Keeping with kaliente's theme, thank god for midafternoon blowjobs. I'm going to be walking around with a shit eating grin for the rest of the day thanks to my girlfriend.

innocentbystander

12-15-2006, 03:48 PM

RANT: I always lose shit when I get drunk. Whether it's my cellphone, a sock, my keys, or my dignity, I usually wake up missing something.

This morning there was a knock on my door. It was one of my neighbors returning my wallet that I had apparently dropped in the snowbank outside my house when I stumbled home last night.

I was very happy not to have to the spend time worrying about where it was, and I thanked him then shut the door. After I the door was shut, I looked inside the wallet to find...no money! YES! Some mother fucker found my wallet sometime early in the morning, took approximately $100 (I don't know why I had that much cash on me) and threw the wallet back onto the ground. My street doesn't have heavy foot-traffic, and the only people I can think that would find it between me stumbling home and having it returned to me is some fucking high school kid walking to their bus stop.

Why the fuck do people steal money out of a wallet? I've found numerous wallets in my life, and not ONCE have I stolen the money out of it. I want to wish terrible things upon this person, but I'm too hungover to come up with something creative. Being a poor college student is AWESOME.

I feel violated.

RAVE: They didn't take my credit cards or any of my IDs. And at least it was returned to me--that is nice...I guess.

Edit: Maybe I should have waited to see if somebody raved about finding a wallet last night with $100 cash. Rest assured, if you are reading this, I WLL FIND YOU!

bcwoods

12-15-2006, 04:28 PM

I'm all alone for Christmas.

I'm not going home to visit my family, and they're not coming up to visit me (which I suppose is a plus). All of the people that work in my lab are gone off on majestic trips to visit family and friends, leaving me all by myself to feed the lab animals.

I have to get up every morning at 9:00 am, until after New Year's to feed them. This means I have to be in bed by 10:00 pm every night.

I recently fell on my cardboard cut out of Superman and ruined him. I have not been this depressed since my Grandfather died. I can't even anthropomorphize a friend for myself anymore.

Also, my power went out last night. This may because I haven't paid my power bill in two months, or it may be the storm last night. I have no idea and will find out when I get home.

Due to the lack of funds mentioned above, I have also not been able to do laundry in about 3 weeks. Consequently I am not wearing any underwear right now.

GcDiaz

12-15-2006, 04:35 PM

RAVE: After 6 months of yes/no/maybes, I finally went and took the state EMT-B exam. Passed it with an 84, so if you see me in uniform you only have a 16% chance of dying! I've already got a decent job, so I'm not planning to do it full-time. Maybe I can volunteer at the fire station or something.

They Call Me V8

12-15-2006, 05:11 PM

Rave: I just got a very good job offer from a company that I thought I only had an OK interview with. Just about everyone in the group there is an Ivy League grad...and then there's me...who hasn't even finished at a city college...Everyone there is very intelligent and apparently they feel that I fit in.

Experience is everything, bitches!

EleventhHour

12-15-2006, 05:19 PM

Rave- It's the first night of Hanukkah, and I've scraped enough money out of my rubbed-band encased Jewish wallet to get myself an Xbox360. Awesome.

$100T2

12-15-2006, 05:54 PM

So I go to the store tonight, and I've got my little guy with me. He and I are talking about nothing, as usual. The woman at the counter pays for her stuff and turns around to walk out. As she does, she accidentally drops a penny on the floor.

She then looks at me and says, "You can go ahead and pick up that penny. Take it home and put it in his piggy bank."

Gee, thanks, bitch.

I gave her a look of incredulous disbelief coupled with fuck off, ignored her penny, paid for my stuff and left. I don't know why I was so insulted by that, but I really was. The ashtray in my car is full of nickels, dimes and quarters, because I refuse to use change. When it gets full, I bring it in and dump it in a five gallon water jug. There's probably $800 in that damn jug by now. Pennies, I throw out my window or put in the charity jars because they are beyond useless.

Seriously, what the fuck? I've never wanted to slap someone over money before, and the first time is over a penny???

WhereAmI

12-15-2006, 06:05 PM

TheGreenGecko

12-15-2006, 06:17 PM

Rave Maybe the head guys at the NHL aren't pricks after all. The prospective new owner of the Penguins pulled out of the purchase today because of the NHL requiring that he keep the team in Pittsburgh. Thank you! This town sucks enough as it is, moving the only sports team that I really care about out of here would make it just about unbearable.

Rant Who the fuck is going to own this team?

bpete

12-15-2006, 06:26 PM

Rant.
I'm at work reading through the message board when I come across the following post:

Myspace

If your to stupid to figure out what is grammatically incorrect in this sentence, please refrain from using the internet.

I chuckle a little at it when this vapid little fifteen year old who works in the daycare says in a mystified tone of voice "I don't get it, what's wrong with that sentence?"

I try to be patient and point out the problems but all I get from her is a blank stare, then the killer...

"You are such nerd for knowing that."

Well, fuck me. When did people start being proud of being ignorant? This is fifth grade grammar here, and this high school student was just baffled. The retards at the front desk are laughing like she scored a major point and the only thing I can think is that this country is so screwed if she is the best we can do. I'm only 24 and way too young to be having misgivings about the education system.

Rapist

12-15-2006, 06:37 PM

RAVE There were too many people scheduled to work this weekend and because I was the person who was around when they noticed, I got the weekend off!

RAVE My roommate just walked in with tickets that some guy gave her to his company party. An oil company. FREE PARTY AND OPEN BAR. I'm getting loaded tonight.

RAVE I'm going to the Schlumberger Christmas Party tomorrow. It's open bar as well. Last year, I ended up bartending it and it had a $30 000 bar ring out. It will be a fantastic night.

RAVE I've decided that the ridiculously hot head bartender is actually good in bed. The first time sucked, but every time since has been fantastic. Since nothing is private when you work in a bar, and because he and I drive home together every night, everyone figured it out. One of the waitresses told me to feel flattered because in the 2 years he's worked there, he's never gone home with anyone from work or who he picked up at the bar. This is a guy who gets offers of blowjobs several times a night, and who all the waitresses swoon over and I get to go home with him whenever I want... and he's not a slut! HA!

RAVE Last night, the bar was dead. I had barely made $50, and had spent most of the night doing shots and flirting with head bartender. Then, about half an hour before last call, some guy came in, had 3 beers and tipped me $320. I had never seen the guy before in my life, but I hope he comes back.

RANT I'm glad to have the weekend off work and everything, but I miss out on about $800 in tips. I wouldn't care, except that I only have about $800 to spend when I go home. I'm fucking terrible with money, in the last 3 weeks I've spent $3000 and have nothing to show for it.

Sherwood

12-15-2006, 10:35 PM

RAVE: I finally got my goddamn car back. It took the fucking body shop 11 days when it was supposed to take them 4, and i had to borrow a car for an obscene amount of time, but i finally got my car back. And it looks good.

grumf

12-16-2006, 04:20 AM

Fucking torrents with an availability of 0.999. Where does that all too precious 0.001 go to?

Hawaiian Samurai

12-16-2006, 04:28 AM

MOTHERFUCKING RAVE!: I just got back from our company Christmas party at a fine Italian restaurant. I actually like my coworkers for the most part, so I had a great time. While I am happy with the fact that I got to eat and drink as much as I could cram into my fat ass, the real happiness came when we were getting stuff. I won a drawing that gave me a 32 inch LCD flat panel TV that I've been mentally masturbating to since I first saw one those many years ago. Combine this with the fact that my secret Santa got me a bottle of Grey Goose, and the boss was handing out the new iPod Shuffles, I'm on fucking Cloud Nine right now.

Merry Christmas to the rest of you miserable sons of bitches. I've got Gears of War to play...IN HIGH DEFINITION!

Ironman

12-16-2006, 05:38 AM

Fuck you, girlfriend; you're the one that wanted this relationship in the first place. I tried breaking up with you, I told you that it would end badly, that I didn't want the white picked fence you do, Lord knows I tried to get rid of you - believe me, acting like an asshole hurt me a lot more than it hurt you - but you wore me down. I capitulated, tried to look at all your good qualities, and build something with you. I jumped in with both feet, had faith in you, and though I've come to realize just how bad of a decision that was, I stand by it. The principles were right, it was you that was wrong.

But you were the one who wanted it - and now you're not willing to work for it? I'm sorry I'm three dimensional, that I'm not a charicature who will train-ride you to Happyville, but goddamnit I tried! And you're stabbing me in the back.

When my employer fucks up my pay that's not my fault! And if we're going to be a week late paying the Cable bill that is not a crisis. I've starved before, bitch. When you've been too broke to afford food for a week that's a crisis. Any of the 'money troubles' we've faced have been piddling shit that doesn't deserve the labe. You've led a sheltered life.

I can't believe I borrowed money from a friend (who's ten times hotter, smarter, and tougher than you'll ever be) to assuage your panic and accusing stares. I feel emasculated just thinking about it. She trusted me, but you didn't - and not trusting me about money, implying I'm a mooch and a cheat, is one of the direst insults you can give me. I always pay my debts. Do you even know who I am?

And then to book plane tickets for Xmas that we can't afford, only to cancel yours at the last minute... you never had my back, did you? You're nothing but a self-centered middle-class whore, narcissitic in the subtle manner of your type. You can't think of anyone outside of you.

Well, I'm done with you. From this point on it's mercenary, my only concerns are my kit. I swear to God if I come back and any of my stuff's damaged or on the sidewalk I'll bleed you dry.

I've been a fool, trying to live up to other people's expectations and ignoring my own gut, even when I knew better. My Sergeant Major said as much to me back in September, and I was too stupid to listen to him either. Thank you, girlfriend, for the expensive reminder of who I am. Thank you, and go to hell.

Rapist

12-16-2006, 07:37 AM

Who wants some Gshow drunken rant/rave threads? No one? FUCK YOU, you get them. I have to do something consturctive besides putting on corset and garters. yeah.

Okay:

RAVE: The head bartender is going home alone cause I asked if he liked me and he said enough to fly to Vancouver to meet up with me at Christmas. Im not sure if this is a good thing, but a hot guy flying to see you in another province is good right?

RANT: My boss invited me to party with his and do some blow, and I didnt want to (like, cocaine, why? Gross old men) ;;; anyway, I fell downstairs. My arm hurts a lot, and everyone saw my panties, but the point is, that I'm home waiting for my 17 year old to sneak out instead of hooking up with old gross men. I would rather just hook up with a kid in high school than hang out with old men and their cocaine that smells like white cheddar. PLUS teenage boys...awesome. I love the look in their eyes when you propose anal, or the first time they get deep throated.

RANT: My arm hurts from falling downstarirs. Plus, Bar Manager knows I'm fucking Head bartender. he is mad. he threatened to fire me unless I fuck him. I laughed. bars are funny.

RAVE: Teenager just got here, and he's doing the dishes. I asked him also to make me breakfast and he is poaching eggs. I didn;t know I had eggs.

verygreen

12-16-2006, 11:11 AM

Fuck John Rawls and his shitty difference principle. And fuck 9am finals on Saturday mornings.

wallysparks

12-16-2006, 01:07 PM

Rave:
There's nothing like going to the titty bar with your girlfriend and then coming home and having a wild, freaky fuck fest.

Rave:
Has anyone else noticed that the smaller a stripper's tits are the better lap dance she gives?

Rapist

12-16-2006, 05:31 PM

As a follow up to last night's drunken rant/rave:

RANT When the teenager got here last night, I was complaining about my arm. He took me to the hospital and it turns out my elbow is fractured, from when I fell down the stairs at work.

I don't remember being at the hospital, but I woke up wearing a suit jacket, corset, short skirt and a sling. My ankle was also wrapped. It turns out that when I was on my way out of the hospital, I tripped and sprained my ankle.

They couldn't give me painkillers, because I was too drunk, and my teenager ended up having to carry me to his truck. I then threw up all over his truck, him, and into my purse.

RAVE Head Bartender just stopped over with bottled water and asprin, and told me that the Bar Manager got fired last night. Apparently I mentioned to the bar owner that the Bar Manager threatened to fire me unless I fucked him. This means the head bartender, the one I'm hooking up with, is now the bar manager. He said he'll make me head bartender if I want. It means that after being there for 2 weeks, and after making a spectacle of myself last night (falling, falling down a flight of stairs, lipping off everyone) I get a raise.

spenner

12-16-2006, 09:18 PM

Rave - So I'm sitting here drinking Yuengling Lager and watching the hopeless Sixers and Cowboys/Falcons game with my daughter (who slept all day and is wide awake). She can stand by herself, but the second she tries to take a step she falls. She thinks it is hilarious when she falls and it cracks me up. I guess I really don't have a point to this, I just like hanging out with my kid on a Saturday night, watching sports, and drinking beer.

$100T2

12-16-2006, 09:45 PM

My little guy counted the eyes in his Monster Count book all by himself, then proceeded to sing me the entire Scooby Doo theme song.

It's funny how much he's advanced. Next thing I know, he'll be telling me he can do everything himself without any help.

shimmered

12-16-2006, 09:54 PM

Rave: I've got a nice little buzz going and I'm going rock climbing tomorrow. This makes for a happy me. It's not much, but it makes ME smile.

Gambit

12-16-2006, 11:49 PM

Where are the Hanukkah boobies?

Gangston Cashwell

12-17-2006, 12:02 AM

Happy *hic* birthday to me... take that how you will rant/rave wise.
Heh, I just happened to be near a laptop during a party. 1000 rep points? How'd you know? you guys are the best.

WhereAmI

12-17-2006, 12:03 AM

Rave While at work today I ended up talking with a recruiter for a fortune 500 company which will remain unnamed, we exchanged information and I will be at an open house tomorrow. Hell this in and of itself opens up a whole new world for me.
Rant ...and then I woke up at 4 in the afternoon thinking, ah fuck, stupid weekend mental block of never waking up anytime before noonish.

Diogenes The Cynic

12-17-2006, 02:26 AM

My retarded roommate vomited in the bathroom again. If it was from alcohol, I wouldnt mind so much, but it seems that every other Sunday he manages to give himself food poisening. The problem was that I was away from Saturday, till I got back home on Wednesday. He didn't bother cleaning up the vomit from the rim of the toilet, and the smell damn near burned my nostrils. I hate my roommate in a way that defies words.

Doormat

12-17-2006, 02:59 AM

Rant:

I'm bored as a mother fucker. I'm here in my apartment while all of my friends have gone home for Christmas break. I have no clue what to do whatsoever. I'm thinking about pounding my head against the wall so I can knock myself unconscious through this boredom. It's cold as shit outside, so I can't walk around and make trouble. If anyone has any solutions to boredom at home(when nobody else is available to keep me company), then by all means shoot me a PM and share.

Rave:

Went to the UCLA basketball game drunk as fuck with some buddies and got student seating in the very front row. We won by 21 points and one of the opposing team's players almost got ejected out of the game for confronting me. I was on a roll with insults and curses at him that would make a sailor blush and he decided that he couldn't take it anymore and got in my face. One of our local female yell leaders told him to back the fuck off of me and the crowd started jeering him. Emasculation is a bitch.

I'm adding "provoking an opposing team's player into a fight and getting him ejected" to my list of 100 things to do before I die.

Double Rave:

I'm going to Mammoth Mountain in a week and few days for some snowboarding. It's going to be my first time snowboarding, so I have no clue what the fuck to do. Is snowboarding harder/easier than skiing? Do I need to take the class or can I fall on my ass a few hundred times and learn on my own? How much do board rentals usually cost? If anyone knows anything about snowboarding, do me a favor and throw me a PM please.

Blackbeardsdelight

12-17-2006, 10:26 AM

RAVE- The Knicks are finally the top story in the NBA.

RANT- Only because they set a record with most suspensions in a single game

HUGE MOTHERFUCKING RAVE- Nate messing JR Smith's shit up, Melo being suspended, Jared Jeffries showing emotion, ITS GREAT.

Check it out. Nate is enraged and pumped to fight.
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/photos?photoId=1386713&gameId=261216018

ItsOnlyEvolution

12-17-2006, 08:52 PM

Rave:

I scored the Pearl Jam album Lost Dogs and Life Wasted 7'' Single vinyls today. I rediscovered Under the Table and Dreaming by DMB today. So good.

Going skiing in 4 days.

BudLight

12-17-2006, 10:55 PM

RANT: The next geriatric piece of shit who pronounces "pecan" as PEEEE-can within my hearing range is going to be butchered and eviscerated with a dull knife. Especially if the bastard makes the first syllable sound like his last dying breath.

RAVE: I beat Halo 2 on Heroic. I know that all the non-geeks here will just laugh at me, and all the geeks will call me a pussy for not beating Legendary, but it made me happy for three days.

InsidiousKermit

12-17-2006, 11:30 PM

Rave: Last night was the best night I've had in a long ass time. One of my friends is almost 21, and to my knowledge had never touched a tit until last night. Of course sleep did not happen, which just made work today that much more enjoyable. I should be dead tired right now, but I'm running on a sugar rush from the molten chocolate cakes my dad made for my birthday (which was actually over a week ago).

Grant

12-18-2006, 12:16 AM

rant - whats up with muslim people and the name mohammad. christians dont go around nameing every second kid they have jesus, buddists dont call fat babys budda. but mohammad, you cant draw the bastard.... but give the name to every bitch of a child you squeeze out your sandy lips.... hey were cool with that

WillardSchreck

12-18-2006, 12:23 AM

Apple Strudel Pop Tarts taste even better after about 5 shots of Aguila Tequila.

...funny how those things come together like that.

Pillage5

12-18-2006, 12:42 AM

The past couple of months I have been practicing with and coaching a guy that plays at the local pool hall. He has a BAD attitude but a great amount of talent. Through example I try to teach him and offer some advice when applicable.

In the past few weeks he has started to play better and look at the game more positively. This weekend he beat one of the top 5 players in the US at the tournament we went to.

He is normally very quiet and very aloof, but after this victory he realized how much potential he has and what he is capable of. He won't shut up about the match which is normally annoying, but to see someone bloom like that is a great feeling.

Secondary rave: On the 23rd I leave for Hawaii, will be staying for 2 weeks this time. I plan on getting very dark, very fat and very happy with the help of friends and family there.

HotWheelz

12-18-2006, 11:24 AM

As I type this, it is 7:49 AM. Friday was the last day of school, why am I up? Well, we had no night nurse the whole weekend. That means my dad had to take care of us two whole days. During the day it's no problem, but at night.....If there is no nurse I can't sleep. I'm afraid I'll get unplugged and my dad will sleep through the alarm and I'll die. Does not matter that it has never happened, but it will. That's how I'll die.

No nurse and no sleep for two days. I've been up since 5:00 AM, waiting for my nurse to get here at 7. She gets here aaaaaannnnnd....I can't sleep. Fuck you, irony.

TheGreenGecko

12-18-2006, 02:03 PM

Rant When did guys (and I use that term loosely) all the sudden decide it was fashionable to wax their eyebrows? This is a seriously disturbing behavior. Men are supposed to be men God damn it. Why the fuck do you want to look like some plastic made fruitcake?

Also, it is no suprise to me that these toolbags are walking around with girls wearing mini-skirts and snowboots. So much for that "opposites attract" thing.

AerodynamicVomit

12-18-2006, 02:07 PM

I just got home from a very unpleasant medical situation. I got back an abnormal pap, joy of joys, and opted to get a colposcopy just in case. Well, good thing I did, they had to take two biopsies and estimate I fall into 20% of people whose abnormal pap situation was actually a step worse than the results claimed. They just cut off parts of my cervix, two places. It hurt. I think I just got INSTANT PMS. All I want to do is lie in bed and eat chocolate and I think I'm gonna.

If the results come back a little bit worse, I might have to get a loop, or leep, or whatever where they cut off the top chunk of cervix. fucking YAY.

Whatsafrush?

12-18-2006, 04:26 PM

RAVE: As I was cleaning out my truck yesterday I found an unopened envelop adressed to me from stubhub.com (a site for buying and selling tickets to sporting events). Earlier this year I had done some buying and selling on the site and had received a few $100 checks in the mail.

Inside the envelope was a check for $800. I have no idea how I lost track of that one, but who the fuck cares? That made my weekend, needless to say.

RANT: The check was issued to me 97 days ago. It says "VOID after 90 days" underneath the issue date. OUCH

Lets hope the Bank doesn't cath that.

Blackbeardsdelight

12-18-2006, 05:13 PM

RANT- I lost every single fucking playoff fantasy football game. Every god damn one.

RAVE- Jets won though, and since my friend is a Vikings fan, it was even sweeter. I just need Cincy to lose and the Jets are tied for a wild card spot.

shegirl

12-18-2006, 06:48 PM

RAVE:

I would like to thank the drunkass co-owner of the bar. On Saturday night he was kind enough to drop the lady he was dancing with and then fall on top of her. He is not a small man. Our table was right up front, near the karaoke ya know. When he crawled up off her and helped her up she was right in front of our table, I looked at her and did a mini-"Superstar," she proceeded to do the real thing. God bless the neighborhood bars.

RANT:

Dear weird white guy that thought he had game,

I have three simple words for you dude, you can't dance.

Thank me later,
shegirl

RAVE:

The Packers won, AGAIN. Talk about hanging on by a god damn thread. You're killing me! I'm nervous and I've taken up chewing on my hair you fuckers. Is it Thursday yet?

senorViper

12-18-2006, 06:56 PM

RAVE: Done with law school exams, time to go home for Christmas.

Dick Trickle

12-18-2006, 07:20 PM

RANT
Thank you for buying two cars. However that doesn't mean that first thing you do when you sit in my office is lift your shirt and say to your little one “time for dinner." There is a time and a place for everything and my office is not the place to breast feed your kid. I understand it’s naturally but I can't work when all I hear is suck suck suck.

WillardSchreck

12-18-2006, 09:54 PM

Just shut the fuck up, Bono! (http://www.reviewjournal.com/lvrj_home/2006/Dec-18-Mon-2006/news/11460940.html)

Seriously, is there anyone who thinks they're the second coming of Jesus, other than this douchebag? Dude, you are the frontman for a fading pop band that hasn't really been relevant for...what... Ten years? Check yourself!

PSCForever

12-18-2006, 10:23 PM

RANT: Fuck you, Sinus Infection. Fuck you for ruining my life. Every time I have an orgasm, my head breaks into an awful migraine due to the congestion. So now I have to choose between being horny or being satisfied but with a major headache. Again, a big ol' fuck you, Sinus Infection.

Hoju

12-19-2006, 01:31 AM

Damn
Tonight on Leno, Letterman, whatever it was, Scott Weiland was scheduled to perform, solo. I'm not a huge fan of him, STP, or Velvet Revolver, but I looked forward to seeing what solo material he had to offer. I tend to keep an open mind to musicians from the era of my teenage angst.
After seeing what he did, I will gladly offer my first child to have him replaced, somehow, with Kurt, Brad Nowell, Shannon Hoon, or Layne Staley. Out of all the heroin lovers of that era, that fucker survived. Want to know what he performed? A jazzy version of the classic "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" with a stand-up bass, some violinists and a grand piano
It was fucking stupid. Yes, it was Christmassy, but fucking gay.
Note to any heroin dealers, growers, or Mr. Weiland's enablers: Get that asshole back on the smack.
Merry Christmas motherfuckers.

Gramercy

12-19-2006, 09:25 AM

And it started DURING sex. Women fucking piss me off. Yesterday was the first time I jerked off in a while, and then I went to see the girlfriend. We're having sex and it's taking forever so I'm just pounding away. Right as I'm about to finish she says "hey wait for me!" because she wants to get on top so she can finish. Well this completely ruins the mood and I can't go anymore despite having to finish. So we stop and she starts crying that I was selfish or some shit. The first fight you have with a girlfriend shouldn't be about sex semantics. Anyway, I think it's fine now but it pissed me off last night.

spenner

12-19-2006, 11:27 AM

My wife is pregnant!!

Surprises are cool.

sandam

12-19-2006, 12:02 PM

FUCK THIS SHIT. I am to be without fucking Internet for an additional 20 working days at least. FUCKING COCKSUCKERS! FUCK THEM AND THE MOTHER FUCKING HORSES THEY RODE IN ON!

First BT fuck me in the ass and then Sky fuck me in the ass. For Christmas, I want some Preparation H and a psychiatrist to deal with all the ass-fuckery I have been subjected to. Do you know what kind of patience you have to exert to spend at least 3 hours phoning different help lines for the same company that are all based in fucking India. Jesus H Christ.

Me + Internet = bad luck all around. I suppose I deserve it after the two years of free Internet I had in the last house I lived in. I guess I'll live. Tomorrow, getting them to not charge me for the month I am going to be without Internet.

togasalad

12-19-2006, 12:17 PM

RANT: So, I'm officially having to move in with my parents at the end of the month. This sucks because my parents live a half hour away from everything I hold dear. Getting divorced and then fired sucks. I haven't been able to find a job in two months, and this whole situation just blows. When I move in with my parents, I won't even have internet. So I'm going to be scrounging to keep up with all of my friends. Please, if there is a god in Dallas, let me find some way out of this. PLEASE.

Fah Q

12-19-2006, 12:46 PM

This is long, but so true:

Honestly, how many girls out there aren't complete SLUTS??

I'm really starting to question the gender as a whole...

I can't even total the amount of girls I've hooked up with who have boyfriends (that I don't know, didn't know they had, or don't care about), who completely and actively went after me or one of my good friends.

Girls.. listen, I can understand that a lot of you don't want to be tied down, and I can FULLY appreciate that. But seriously, stop jocking me like I'm the best thing since white bread one minute, telling me how we need to start hanging out all the time and what not, then -- while I'm taking a piss or something-- go off and start making out with some other kid like he just choked on his Long Island and needs CPR. Seriously what the fuck is that?? That's straight slut behavior is what it is.

I'mma start calling it S.S.B. for short around town. Anytime I see it at some bar I'll just point and laugh and lower my head and disgust while I look at my buddies and go, "Yo-- You see that S.S.B. over there..yeah .. SLUTS!!" And then we'll all take another chug of our Heneikens and at least thank God that you aren't prude virgins.

See this S.S.B. has already happened to me once since I've been home, and since then I've seen it happen to TWO friends. ..and I've only been home TWO DAYS!! (She started kissing on one of 'em-- yada yada -- then he went out for a call and literally no less than 10 SECONDS later she latched on to the next "hot" dude she saw and started flirting/kissing on the kid).
What the hell is that?? I see this shit inessantly... Literally every time I go out.

Honestly, it's pretty weak that I see chicks do this so often -- Not saying guys are completely innocent of it at all, but we already get this same complaint from women ALL the time... and from what I've seen we're not NEARLY as bad as you.

Seriously, the common theory is that dudes are always suspect of cheating on girls-- since we're idiots and think with nothin but our "member", but now a days-- the reality of it is COMPLETELY the opposite. And any smart girls knows I'm right (If you're a "smart" girl who doesn't think I'm right, well, then you need to stop evaluating your smarts on on your SAT score, 'cause you're wrong, and dumb).

I could go on-- But for now, all I wanna point out is.. STOP HATIN ON DUDES FOR BEING "MANWHORES" you beezies. Most chicks are 10x worse!

Anyway-- I'll throw a huge cheers to the hot/smart/cool girls who can..or do..or HAVE proved me wrong --

'Cause seriously ...You've definitely earned your respect... and you're farrrr 'n few between...

Chirpy

12-19-2006, 10:21 PM

MOTHERFUCKING RANT:
Did this just happen? Is this really my life?

Fuck today. What the fuck is wrong with kids? And worse, what the FUCK is wrong with PARENTS?

A student in my school came off the morning bus completely wasted. Stumbling drunk. He reeked of alcohol. . .he filled his Gatorade bottle with Mad Dog 20/20. Are you serious? Mad Dog? (We can't all be as creative as Tucker.) Mind you, the bus arrives at school at 7:00 am. This kid was drunk off his ass by 7:02 am and is so stupid, he started passing the bottle around thinking nobody would notice. God bless the drunken ignorance of youth: "They'll never know! I'm so cool!"

Of course he got caught. The administration searched his locker for more liquor. Nope, no more liquor in there! Damn! Whoops! Our bad. Oh, wait? Wait, what? Oh, did they find something else?

Oh, it was nothing. . .Just a loaded 9 mm gun. (Pause.)

A FUCKING 9 MM!!!!!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???

WHAT THE FUCK IS SO WRONG WITH YOUR 13 YEAR OLD LIFE THAT YOU GET DRUNK AND BRING A LOADED GUN TO SCHOOL??? (I mean besides the fact that your uncle bought you the alcohol and oh, and that one kid made fun of your shoes yesterday. I'd want the person who made fun of my shoes to die, too. It's equal reciprocation, right?) WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON??? SERIOUSLY??? WHAT IS GOING ON!!??? YOU! MOTHER! FUCKER!

I know, I know. You're thinking, "Oh, Chirpy, settle down. It was only a 9mm gun. . .Just a loaded 9 mm gun in the locker of a drunk 13 year old not 50 feet from your classroom. You're so fucking dramatic!"

You're right. It's probably just PMS and not the sadness of the fact that so many kids have no parental guidance, no respect for life, and no attention. . .not to mention the posession of an egocentric, false sense of entitlement. I'll go pop a Midol and calm down.

(I so enjoy a shot of sarcasm with a bitterness chaser. Yummy!)

MOTHERFUCKING RAVE:
Yay for the braggadocio of drunken teens who have an incessant need to run their mouths! Yay for the quick acting administration who had this fucker arrested immediately!

WillardSchreck

12-20-2006, 12:51 AM

So, I'm sitting around the house, and notice that a Charlie Brown program is on tonight. "Cool," I thought, '"A Charlie Brown Christmas" rocks'! I tune into it.

Rant #1:
This is nowhere near "old school" Peanuts classics. "New" Peanuts suck. There was about as much charm in this one as in some canned-laughter sit-com that's three years' jumped the shark.

Rant #2:
Wait a minute...did Re-Run actually get suspended from kindergarden for sexual harassment??? What the fuck?! A PEANUTS CHARACTER?? PRIME-TIME TV??? SEXUAL HARASSMENT?? WHAT THE FUCK??? What's next? Charlie Brown trades his baseball cap in for a crushed velvet hat, and he tricks out the "little red haired girl" to strangers for a $10.00 blowie on a fuckin' street corner??? Maybe Snoopy's got a little meth lab going in his doghouse? Linus all strung out on laced smack, sleeping behind a dumpster in an alley somewhere? Peppermint Patty turns into a raging bull dyke, and gets into a fisting frenzy with Marcie? (Well...wait a minute...she was probably doing that all along. Those Birkenstocks gave it away, years ago)

My childhood memories have been raped.

jayjaciv

12-20-2006, 01:28 AM

I hate 99% of the people on this board.
It wouldn't be unfair to say I hate you all. You're petty and stupid and you live your lives on your computers...that last one isn't true for everybody, but a general fuck you is still going out.
The sad part of this is that this is the least shitty message board I've ever seen. I've been spending time on here because I'm at my parent's for Xmas and it is boring as shit.
Red dotting me because "tha gators blow" or because I dared to mention the red dot in another post; that's awesome. "WE DONT CARE IF YOU DONT LIKE RED DOTS" is not an intelligent critique. You obviously do care because you took the time to click the button and type a message...but not enough to FUCKING HIT THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON AGAIN. YEAH, CAPS LOCK, IT'S LIKE CRUISE CONTROL FOR AWESOME, ISN'T IT, YOU RETARDED SONS OF BITCHES. I don't give a fuck about validation points, but I don't want to have to see some retarded statements every time I go to my CP. If you can't keep yourself from looking certifiably mentally challenged, just keep your fucking mouth shut. Or at least tell me who you are so I can officially start fucking hating you.
There is too much stupidity. I am angry to some extent literally all the time.
Learn English! There is a fucking difference between your, you're, to, too, there, their, and they're. Fucking LEARN the difference! Or maybe you bastards can't put down the xbox controller long enough to READ A FUCKING BOOK.
Why are you too stupid to be able to see shades of gray? "All women are whores." Yeah, that's a great attitude, asshole. Way to make a blanket statement about half the human population. EVERYBODY is a whore, but you are too ugly and zit-faced to be an effective one, so you're jealous. I'm gonna go get my dick wet while you keep sitting on your computer masturbating to how cool it would be to, like, totally meet Tucker and totally get wasted off like four Smirnoff Ices and totally fuck, like, some smoking hot vapid whores.

Fuck you all.

I know it's ridiculous to bitch about this shit, I just hate everything and the venting is going here. Whatever.

Edit: Well that was cathartic, so I'm downgrading the proportion of shitheads to about 85%. I'm sure you're all glad to know that you now have my approval, which is the only approval that matters.

Skiing Drunk

12-20-2006, 02:00 PM

Pillage5

12-20-2006, 02:43 PM

I just got turtles from my co-worker for the "secret Santa" gift program at work, it will probably be the only gift I get this year. But who cares?!?!? I love these little buggers, years ago my ex bought a couple for me but they died when I left them for a 10-day Vegas trip.

Now I have a chance to redeem myself for their death, these dudes will be the most spoiled turtles ever. I am seriously excited about them, I need help.

Plus tonight is our Christmas party at Dave and Busters, one of the board members who loves to party is going to attend. Not only does he like to party, but he has oodles of money and always opens a bar tab for everyone to drink on. Free booze, free games and free dinner tonight!!

BlackBetty

12-20-2006, 05:43 PM

Rave:

Blizzard!!! We're looking at up to two feet of snow from a slow-moving storm here in the Colorado Front Range. My school closed at noon today (and that's as rare as T.O. is humble) and may not open tomorrow. I'm going to have to figure out a way to get to my ski area tomorrow. It may involve sled dogs.

Right now, I'm going to make some chili.

Yay!

It’s snowing balls!!!! Work is already cancelled for tomorrow. We will be attempting to get to Copper Mountain in my friend’s jeep first thing in the morning. I can taste the fresh powder on my mind’s tongue as I type.

Getting dumped on so that the already long holiday weekend is extended by two more days; priceless.

bct34

12-20-2006, 06:21 PM

Yay!

It’s snowing balls!!!! Work is already cancelled for tomorrow. We will be attempting to get to Copper Mountain in my friend’s jeep first thing in the morning. I can taste the fresh powder on my mind’s tongue as I type.

Getting dumped on so that the already long holiday weekend is extended by two more days; priceless.

Cheers to snow days! It is fucking dumping out!

Here is a picture of my "home office" for the day. Did 30 minutes of work and about 4 hours of Tiger Woods PGA Tour. Tomorrow is looking like much of the same.

T0m88

12-20-2006, 07:24 PM

MOTHERFUCKING RANT: Right now, I fucking hate the female gender so much I'm contemplating genocide on a scale that would make the Khmer Rouge slink out of the room with an embarassed expression, saying "sorry, we're not THIS nasty...".
Actually, let me rephrase that. I don't hate women. I fucking hate my girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend. EX-FUCKING-GIRLFRIEND. Why? Because she's a filthy, wanton slut with no thought other than leeching onto guys and sucking them dry of money - not to mention sperm. How do I know? Here's how:

Slut - as she shall be referred to henceforth - came to live with me about a week ago, in my house in Rome (I'd just gotten back for the holidays) because she had a fight with her parents. In retrospect, it was probably about what a huge whore she is. Anyhow, in my infinite kindness and foolish generosity, I let her live in my room until they worked it out. Great, right? Sure, on the surface everything was great.
Then today, I came back home early from my part-time job. I brought a bottle of wine with me, thinking we could have some fun. I walked into my room (which doesn't have a lock) loudly proclaiming "I'm home!" and froze.

Slut had decided my dick wasn't enough to satisfy her. Oh no. She needed more. So she brought some random home. To my home. Let that sink in. This fucking little whore had the nerve to bring some douchebag lowlife into my house while I was away. INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE. She was at the moment engaged in sucking him off, with apparent enjoyment. She looked up, and our eyes met over the guy's dick. That was it. I snapped.

I went fucking insane for a few minutes. I crushed the bottle of wine I was holding to shards and didn't even notice. I punched a hole in my door, then I punched into the wall so hard I cracked my knuckles, and I didn't feel it. I can't even begin to describe the pain and anger and humiliation and fury that were welling up in me - I thought my heart would explode.
Slut hurled herself under the covers, while the guy just looked at me with a dazed expression. I managed to tell the guy calmly to leave before it got ugly. He had the nerve to challenge me.
My answer was the following scream: "MOTHERFUCKER, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW OR I CUT YOUR THROAT AND DRINK YOUR BLOOD I SHIT YOU NOT!"
He left pretty quick after that. Still in his underpants, as I recall.
Slut had the nerve to break down and cry and asked me if she could make it up to me. Make it up to me? MAKE IT UP TO ME? Make it up to me for sucking some guy off in MY OWN FUCKING BED? Make it up to me for being a filthy slut who hasn't even the decency or the brains to keep her whoring secret?
I told her she was a fucking GHOST in the life of Tom. If she ever tried to contact me, talk to me, even adressed me in the street in passing, she would regret it. And now she had to get out, fast.
She did.

I am so fucking angry right now I want to pound my keyboard into shards. I want to fucking burn and pillage and destroy until the pain goes away. Why is it that every time I commit, I get fucked over? Why am I such a shitty judge of character? Jesus E. Fucking Christ on a Chariot-Driven Sidecar. If I hadn't promised myself years ago I would never hit a woman, I would probably have beat the shit out of her whoring ass. What scares me is that had she stayed in there one more minute, I probably would have.

Jesus. I'm not even all that angry now, just disgusted. Why are people so shitty?

toddamus2

12-20-2006, 07:46 PM

Finals got canceled of a snow storm. That means I'm done for the semester, I can go skiing tomorrow, and I don't have to wake up at 6:30 for a 7:30am exam.

Powder day tomorrow, maybe the best one yet

MoreCowbell

12-20-2006, 08:21 PM

Look at us! We're just wading in snow! Isn't it fucking grand

I hate you all. There is no snow on the ground here, and even the ski mountains up north are still using all man-made snow.

Last day before break....snow would be great....

Snow, no whammy no whammy STOP.

fastang

12-20-2006, 09:37 PM

RANT: To the fat ass that decided to fly from Oklahoma City to Memphis this morning at 6:30, FUCK YOU. EVERYTIME I fly I get sat next to the fattest, smelliest peice of scum on the earth. The plane was one of those small ones and had only two seats on each side. My face was plastered againt the window for the duration of the flight because his fat rolls hung off his large framed body into my seat. All I kept thinking of was cutting him up and feeding him to homeless people at a soup kitchen on Christmas. FAT PEOPLE SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO FLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They Call Me V8

12-20-2006, 10:06 PM

Rave:

First day at my new job went absolutely fabulously. And my desk is facing the window with a sick view of midtown manhattan from up-high.

HotWheelz

12-20-2006, 11:26 PM

Rant:

What the hell is wrong with you stupid cunt? I didn't poop enough? Too hard? I've shit twice today! I DO NOT NEED A SUPPOSITORY, BITCH!

Monkey: Hes poop iiis tu harrrd. Maybi he neeeed suppasittorrrry?

Me: What? No. ARE YOU CRAZY?!

She looks like this:http://www.metroactive.com/papers/metro/08.02.01/gifs/apes-0131.jpg

I'm going to rip your throat out with my mind.

GcDiaz

12-20-2006, 11:32 PM

RANT: Fucking New York traffic. Hey assholes, the breakdown lane is for breakdowns, NOT for you to jump ahead in line. Hey dickheads, if you're gonna merge into a packed lane that hasn't moved a mile in 30 minutes, at least have the manners to wait for an opening, instead of playing chicken with the people already in line. You cocksuckers turned what's usually a 3.5 hour trip into a 5+ hour exercise in Zen meditation. And of course the road suddenly clears up and there's NOTHING (no stalled cars, no emergency vehicles) to tell me WHY we had been inching along not two miles away. Dammit it all to hell.

RAVE: Hello New York. I've missed you.

Grimmy

12-21-2006, 11:50 AM

Major Holiday Booze Rant:

Annually, at Christmas I have two friends who visit and bring with them the wonderful gifts of beer that are not available in my region.

Friend A always brings me two cases of Yuengling Lager, which must then last me into the spring.

Friend B always brings me two cases of Fat Tire, which must last me as long as I can stand to not drink it all.

I always trade them equal up on various Leinies brews.

I just found out this morning that both will not be making it here for the holidays. Merry fucking Christmas to me.

Rave

I just found a bar with Pete's Wanderlust on tap. I will see if that helps me forget the loss of my annual supply of Yueng and Tire.

The Good Doctor

12-21-2006, 12:04 PM

RANT:

Why are the most argumentative people also the world's WORST at arguing or even following simple logic? And what kind of person regularly loses arguments but continues to start them? This seems like some kind of disease and these people should be institutionalized before someone (namely me) starts lopping off their heads, Highlander style.

Roy Jones

12-21-2006, 12:10 PM

RAVE: 2 more days of this job and I'm free. I get a week off, and then I start my new job.

Double RAVE: Jim Rome's Year in Review has begun, and I was treated to a Quizno's platter for lunch from (and for the rest of) the office. Tomorrow, I will be drunk at work.

toddamus2

12-21-2006, 01:30 PM

Flight got canceled, I was thinking I was safe at 9pm, but nope. Blizzard was awesome at first, now I wanna get home for Christmas. So now I try and find an obscure flight that no one else has found yet, or I'm trekking back through the mountains to SD. I am not going to wait till Christmas Eve to get a flight, I got a truck and I am getting out of here today or tomorrow somehow.

And for all those other people who are trying to escape Denver, good luck with finding a flight out.

badkarma6

12-21-2006, 02:39 PM

I fucking hate shopping and I hate shopping malls even more. Around the holidays, this hatred increases about 10x. The traffic, the people, the annoying fucking music, it is all awful. However, yesterday I decided what the worst thing is: Mall Kiosk Workers!!!

Jesus H. Christ, these people need to die. You almost have to walk and stare at the ground so you don't make eye contact. If you do in fact make eye contact then the bullshit begins. "Sir, may I show you something amazing; Sir, would like to smell something unbelievable; Sir would you like to buy a neckless with a vile of tear drops from one-eyed homosexual midget kangaroos?" No goddamnit, I would not. I would like to strangle the fucking life out of you. I would like to douse you in gasoline and set you on fire. I would like to be left alone so I can complete my already miserable fucking mission and get the hell out of the mall.

Lester

12-21-2006, 02:43 PM

First to the people who gave me advice on pursuing an ebay schmuck who tried to rip me off when I bought some custom furniture. Thank you very much. I have gotten paypal/mastercard to nail his ass and also refund my money with interest. Thanks!

I just got the first computer backup system that is brainless for a non techie to operate. Turnkey Backupkey. Their claim of from box to backup in 1 minute is true. Now I have no more excuse. It is backing up my whole system and all I had to do was press enter.

WillardSchreck

12-21-2006, 07:13 PM

Today I just got word that "Jerry," my childhood pet cat is gonna "go for a ride" next week, because his health is just too deteriorated. I'm bummed.

If he'd hang in there for just one more month, he'd be old enough to get in bars (yep...21). I know there's lots of cat haters here, but Jerry is one cool motherfucker. When I was 17, I taught him "sit," "shake," and "fetch." I know, in his little mind, he woulda swore he was born a dog, and was too damn stubborn to admit otherwise. Here's to you, buddy.

sillylittlefreak

12-21-2006, 08:57 PM

Rave for those that have helped with this (http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showpost.php?p=390582&postcount=1426).

There's almost 4 grand in the fund and people have donated clothes and places to stay.

The Dread Pirate

12-21-2006, 09:44 PM

RAVE!

Thank you lady from Cub Scouts who brought us all the wonderful food last night. I thoroughly enjoyed the cakes, gingerbread cookies and assorted seasonal goodies. Firemen have much lower standards of what we'll accept in food donations than the homeless shelter. Oh well, its their loss they wouldn't take your "open item" foods, that shit was delicious!

Rant:

You fucking asshole, I hope you are sodomized with a baseball bat wrapped in 40-grit sandpaper. After standing in line for four hours in front of Toys R Us, talking with me about how much we both want a Nintendo Wii, you decide to buy five of them, including the last one. Douchebag. Of course, I am a huge hypocrite because even though I didn't plan on it, I went ahead and bought four PS3s to sell on Ebay since there were no Wiis left.

RAVE!

One of my PS3s has already sold for $900 within two hours of the auction being created! Fuck yeh!

MoreCowbell

12-21-2006, 10:38 PM

RANT: My name is Earl Makes no sense when you are drunk as fuck.

Rave: Jason lee has an awesome mustache.

RANT: My dad just tried to make me proof read a tax document that he intends to submit to the city Board of Aldermans, to make sure that is makes sense. He thought I was sober. I was not inclined to disabuse him of this notion, so I had to pretend to be so.

Seventeen year old's don't understand those things when sober. This didn't help.

RAVE: I pulled it off remarkably well. And no classes till January.

RANT: It has taken an inordinate amount of time to type this, and I guarantee then it is still ridden with errors.

Expendable

12-21-2006, 10:59 PM

Rant how fucking hard is it to leave a note before you take off someplace?

Rave - we gave a home to 2 ferrets, Bandy & Cinamony, I can honestly say, Ive not laughed as much or felt as good playing with those little fuckers in quite some time. Ive not had a pet in so very long and now these two insane furballs, yeah the Ferret War Dance is something to behold, are in my life and, frankly, it fuckin rocks.

Rant, Im gonna be broke over christmas, and I dont get any days off, fuck that shit

Rave, its not retail, you poor misbegotten bastards.

Rant, Look, Im from Ulster, Ive spent time in Eire, Ive travelled through most of Europe, believe me when I fucking tell you that -THE- best guinness on the planet is not served in a trendy bar in downtown Phoenix. Its served in The Quays bar in Temple Street, Dublin, and the best thing to do after youve had a few is walk 2 minutes down the road to Leo Burdocks and get some fish n chips with lashings of malt vinegar. Unlike you, you pretentious git, Ive actually BEEN to these places, so I can make the quantified judgement !

Rave, finally found a place in Phoenix that does half decent battered cod & Chips (sorry, steak fries), theyre even going to start using malt vinegar now that I yelled at them (sorry Dominic!)

cockykyle

12-22-2006, 12:28 AM

RANT: I just watched the movie about flight 93. Any man who does not cry watching this movie is not a man. That fucking movie makes you remember 5 yrs ago. If you watch this movie and say you didn't cry, Im gonna kick you in the nuts for being the type of pussy that doesn't admit to crying.

RAVE:I got all my christmas shopping done two days ahead of last years schedule.

Merry Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanza, whatever to all our servicemen doing their job. Thanks Troops.

WaiterGonePostal

12-22-2006, 12:41 AM

Rant: Great Grandmother of fuckers! Leave it to me to get blown by an ex-girlfriend under an artificial Christmas tree instead of studying for both my Nervous System and Muscular System exams tomorrow. As of this writing it's half past midnight, the ex-girlfriend has took to the hills because she inadvertently set off the alarm by leaving through the back door, which I had to explain to my groggy parents was my fault for going outside and taking a breather, and I still don't know a single damn thing aside from the fact that the Central Nervous System consists of only the brain and spinal cord - two things I lack at the moment (and question whether I really ever had them in the first place) thanks to this pre-Christmas disaster.

Rave: At least she didn't spit out this year's present.

Angus

12-22-2006, 01:07 AM

RANT:

My best friend was coming home from his new residence, which is in MD, for Christmas. He was at Dulles, on the damned plane, and there was something wrong with the aircraft.

They emptied the plane so they could work on it. He sat in the airport with some people he met on his flight for four hours, waiting. People kept going up and asking when the flight would take off, and no one knew anything.

In about a ten minute window between them asking and the plane leaving, they loaded that motherfucker up and took off. In other words, my best friend and a few of his cohorts on the flight, including a US Army soldier coming home from Iraq for a short time, "missed" their flight.

My friend's pissed and decided that he is going to stay in MD for Christmas. Fuck it.

FUCK YOU, United Airlines.

Lorelei

12-22-2006, 01:12 AM

RANT:

My friend's pissed and decided that he is going to stay in MD for Christmas. Fuck it.

FUCK YOU, United Airlines.

Just be glad they aren't in Denver. Our flight home was scheduled for today at 4pm. Canceled. You know, with the 3 feet of snow we got. Our newly scheduled flight for tomorrow (after the airport is supposed to open)- canceled. The next available flight isn't until post-Xmas, when my brothers will both have to be working (and 6 hours from my parents house). I haven't seen my family in a year, any/all gifts were sent to ATL and NC so we wouldn't have to take them the entire plane trip and my poor dogs are at a kennel right now, because we thought we'd have to catch a flight very early tomorrow morning. The only good thing about today is that once my boyfriend and I put on all our snowboarding garb, we walked the 200 yards to the OPEN liquor store. Merry Christmas.

jimmy_legs

12-22-2006, 03:29 AM

Rant: Funerals fuckin' suck.

Rave I have a great family. And hooray for beer.

spenner

12-22-2006, 01:27 PM

The Sixers and Flyers have lost a combined 20 games in a row. They are both the worst team in their league. The Sixers have 5 wins and the Flyers have 8 wins.

Volupte

12-22-2006, 01:48 PM

So, I put up with your three miniature shetland ponies you call children romping overhead at all hours. Most of the time, I don't even say anything (except when I have a migraine or am sleeping). My roommate endures your loud television over her bedroom at 5am. We're nice that way.

So, this morning I'm not amused to have water running down my bathroom wall, peeling away the paint and dripping into the hallway through the doorframe. Luckily, the cat staring at the dripping gave me a heads-up before I walked into the full mess.

Now, I know you told the maintenance guy that "you just got the water down in the tub because it was backing up", because I heard you say it.

LIAR. LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR.

I heard the water running full-blast for at least twenty minutes after I woke up. I thought you were taking a shower, NOT RUNNING A BATH. God knows how long it ran before I got up for work, but what kind of moron starts running a bath and doesn't notice it for so long that it leaks through the floor to the apartment below?

Nevermind, I already know. One with the name of Peachez. (This is assuming it isn't Fawn because she has the other bathroom to herself. You know the one that annoys the roommate.)

And if you read this board, Merry f*cking Christmas to you too!

The_Undutchables

12-22-2006, 02:09 PM

Today and next Friday, everyone in the company can take off at 1 pm, while still getting paid for a full day's work. Sometimes, my company rocks!

GcDiaz

12-22-2006, 02:29 PM

RANT: Fuck Epson printers. With AIDS-encrusted homeless dildoes. How is it that this printer, not even a year old, is suddenly inoperable due to internal parts having "reached the end of their service line"? Sure, I can haul the thing out to Yonkers or motherfucking Hackensack, NJ for repairs, or I can just buy a brand new printer off the Epson website for a "loyalty"-discounted price. Christ almighty, they even tried charging me $10 for the phonecall! The old man still needs a printer, so I did what I had to do. Still, stay away.

RAVE: My brother back in MA somehow got his hands on some Knicks tickets for tonight. Just have to meet his friend for the turnover, and then I'll take my younger bro, in from overseas, to watch the game. Yeah, it's the Knicks, but what the hey.

im2freakintired

12-22-2006, 03:11 PM

RANT:
IT IS ALMOST 70 DEGREES OUTSIDE, ON CHRISTMAS WEEKEND IN HOUSTON!!

I definitely feel for you guys who are stuck away from family during this time, but how am I supposed to get in the christmas spirit when I am roasting my balls off!!

damn texas heat...

RAVE:
As a followup to last years wonderful crappy christmas ornament (instead of a bonus or real gift of any kind) from my job, this year the owner gave us $500 best buy gift cards! hellooooo ps3 (when they become readily available)

thank you for your time

EDIT:
To the red dotter, I think I may pass on Final Fantasy Gay, and go straight to Final Fantasy Gay-2

mrhaz

12-22-2006, 03:25 PM

Rant: Why the hell can't an adult use the brain they were given for even the simple things in life. I grabbed my paper, went into the john here at work to drop the kids off at the pool, and what do I find? The idiot before me must not know how to lift the crapper lid before he pisses. I am forced to get cleaning products out of the closet and clean his yellow calling card off the seat before I can sit down to do my business.

I utilized my office printer to make 10 copies of this and post them all over the walls in the crapper:

Dear Inconsiderate ASS

It never ceases to amaze me the total lack of common social skills some of my fellow employees have. Is it really that difficult for you to LIFT THE LID before you pee? I guess the idea of utilizing your foot to do this didn’t cross your sorry excuse for a brain did it? Come on! Why do I have to wipe your body fluids off the seat before I can use it? Care to answer that for me? Here, I’ll help you out a little. Make sure you follow these steps starting with the smallest number first. (that would be the number 1 moron)

1. Lift seat with your foot (either one)
2. Do your business (try an hit the water champ)
3. Lower seat with your foot (almost as easy as number 1)
4. Flush with your foot

Wasn’t that easy?????

Jerk

Rave: In ten minutes I'm outta here until Tuesday. Have a GREAT one everybody!

annabanana

12-22-2006, 03:28 PM

RANT:
IT IS ALMOST 70 DEGREES OUTSIDE, ON CHRISTMAS WEEKEND IN HOUSTON!!

I definitely feel for you guys who are stuck away from family during this time, but how am I supposed to get in the christmas spirit when I am roasting my balls off!!

damn texas heat...

AMBIVALENCE, REALLY
I am listening to a thunderstorm. People, this is Wisconsin. We have a God-given right to have snow in December. While, I am happy I don't have to drive in the crap, it would be nice to not wake up to a pissy drizzle and 42 degrees on Christmas morning.

And huge, ridiculously loud thunderclaps in December scare the shit out of you if your back is to the window. I just jumped 3 feet, yelled "HOLY CRAP!" and the whole firm heard me.

RAVE
Aside from one purchase of a $300 gift card since that effing Wii was NOwhere to be found, my shopping was officially finished an hour ago.

ASIDE: I've decided to meet all resistance of any kind with the encouraging words: "Do it for Jesus." Don't mind me...bleeding, pissing and shitting money has made me light-headed.

LadyJay

12-22-2006, 04:54 PM

Last year: $500 bonus, big dinner at nice Belltown restaurant with multiple courses and free wine.

This year: Small sketchbook, lukewarm mug half full of cheap apple cider and an attempted hug.

I think this might be a bad sign for the company.
I know for sure it's a bad sign for my holiday finances.

(oh, this = RANT)

Now Slappy

12-22-2006, 05:02 PM

Rave
I was just given a bottle of Crown Royal Reserve by one of my bartenders.

Rant
I have to stop drinking at work. These fuckers know me too well.

Rave #2
I own a bar, hence, I get to drink at work.

jwolf

12-22-2006, 06:35 PM

Rave: I'm staying in to work tonight. This is a rave because it's my own project, my own company, and my own idea. Life is a laugh when you're at the reins.

sillylittlefreak

12-23-2006, 12:22 AM

RAVE: I don't have to look at this project for the rest of the year.

RANT: I have to completely redo this project immediately after the holidays.

innocentbystander

12-23-2006, 12:59 AM

Rave:There's nothing quite like sitting in a locker room, completely exhausted, and laughing with a few of your friends over a cold beer and a chew. I miss it.

Earlier today I was at work and my friend called to ask if I wanted to play hockey tonight, because a guy he knows rented the ice. I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it, but it was a really slow day (I work in a restaurant) so they let me out early. Fuck yeah! So I called my buddy and he gave me the details and told me he would pick me up in 20 minutes. I was worried that my skates weren't sharp, and even more worried when I could only find one of them. After ripping up my basement, I found all my equipment, packed my shit, and off we went to the rink.

Usually we use a tutor-shooter or we play posts, but two goalies showed up. Awesome. Roughly 20 people were there, and they were all--at the very least--decent (meaning they could skate and pass moderately well), so it ended up as a pretty hard skate.

I haven't skated in about 9 months, but I started playing hockey when I was 2 1/2, so it wasn't too hard to get back into. I ended up with a few breakaways, scoring on 1 of them, and had another garbage goal.

Apparently these guys play every Friday night, and that'd be great excersize for me. I lacerated my spleen a few months ago (not playing hockey), and I've been a little leary of contact sports since then, because in the back of my mind I felt like I was going to get hurt again. I felt great out there. While I may not play every week, it would be great excersize a few times a month.

Rant: I just wish it was cold enough outside for ice on the outdoor rinks. One of my favorite parts of winter is skating at this one neighborhood rink late at night with the lights on while it's snowing, and playing 2-on-2 with a few friends. But it fucking rained all day. I live in the Upper-fucking-Peninsula of Michigan. If you've ever been here in winter you know that it's normally very cold and snowy. My only wish for Christmas is that there's at least a little bit of snow on the ground Monday morning. Fuck you Denver!!

sillylittlefreak

12-23-2006, 03:46 AM

RAVE: This guy singing "More Than A Feeling" on karaoke night while shooting pool.

RANT: Me losing to this guy while he was singing karaoke and shooting pool.

GcDiaz

12-23-2006, 05:40 AM

RAVE: My brother back in MA somehow got his hands on some Knicks tickets for tonight. Just have to meet his friend for the turnover, and then I'll take my younger bro, in from overseas, to watch the game. Yeah, it's the Knicks, but what the hey.

Well the game was fantastic, as were the seats (Arena, 8 rows from the court). Good Knicks action, a shitload of unfair calls, and a dunk to clinch it. Couldn't ask for more.

RANT: My sister got mugged on her way home tonight. No damage except for the stolen purse, and the $400 within.

New York, why is it that every time I think I love you, you do something to push me away?

dfb547490

12-23-2006, 02:17 PM

Rave: HAPPY FESTIVUS!!!

http://www.myzvue.com/images/festivus-pole-seinfeld.gif

sillylittlefreak

12-23-2006, 10:40 PM

People are amazing. So far the paypal contributions for the three people who lost everything they owned in the housefire a couple days ago has now reached $8,500. Amazing, simply amazing.

There's an ebay auction up to raise a bit more, details (and a video with a crapload of rubber chickens) are here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=So7EwVQNgfM&eurl=).

ItsOnlyEvolution

12-23-2006, 10:49 PM

Rant: Went skiing today. Went down the easiest black run thinking I was a badass. On the way down, going about 30 mph I realized I had a choice to make. I could hit a girl, hit a metal ski lift pole or take the 10 foot drop. I took the drop. Off the drop and I eat it. Shoulder hurts. Now I'm inside the hotel confined to my laptop because I can't drink at the bars and its 25 outside. I live in Florida. That is just too fucking cold to go out in.

Rave: Going out again tommorrow. Only 5 more days til I see the girlfriend. I got her some fucking nice earrings from this Juicy Culture place. My sister recommended it. Teenage girls and their expensive shit. What else am I going to spend it on? Rare vinyls?

Rave 2: Speaking of vinyls, I found Boston's debut album on vinyl for 99 cents in Santa Barbara. Its in such good condition its scary. Its 30 fucking years old.

WhereAmI

12-23-2006, 11:41 PM

Rant:What the hell is it about holidays that makes me not able to hold my liquor as well as any other time of the year.

RoosterCogburn

12-23-2006, 11:57 PM

Jesus Christ, you cannot fucking debate whether "the Navy SEALs or the Green Berets are more 'beast'", you cannot fucking listen to logic when I say comparing them is stupid as they train for different missions, you cannot fucking try to fight someone when they get angry at your ignorant and illogical argument, you also cannot fucking say that I am a pussy for wanting to go ROTC because "they do not go to war" when you have no fucking idea what you're talking about. jesus fucking christ.
I hate ignorant belligerent drunks. Fuck.

Edit: please excuse the grammatical errors after 15 beers or so.

Doormat

12-24-2006, 12:59 AM

Rant: I really hate being back home for the holidays. I mean being with family is fun and all, but the people they associate with are irksome to say the least. My parents have about 50 or so guests over at the moment, and the closest thing I have in common with any given one is the fact that we breath oxygen and eat food. They are all from my mom's church, so it's a given that we are on complete opposite ends of the spectrum. Nobody that I can have some cigars or middle eastern style tobacco with, and CERTAINLY nobody that I can drink with. I'm trying to get fucked up alone, but my parents keep bitching at me that I'll end up looking like a fool in front of the guests, so they've exiled me to the home office. Fuck I wish my friends were around so I can shotgun some beers and engage in general bad behavior.

Rave : 4 days until mother fucking snowboarding! I can't wait!

Hoju

12-24-2006, 01:36 AM

I don't know what category this is going to fit under, so we'll go with Rave
I just found out, with t-minus 15 hours until our X-mas eve ritual, that my cousin's husband left her 3 weeks ago for no apparent reason. He recently got around $50,000 from a dead grandparent, bought her a pair of $8,000 earrings, and paid a lot towards their house.
For the past 3 weeks, he has been living in an apartment across town. Now, keep in mind that this guy is a fucking dork. Think white, lame, country, nerd-y but not likeable (I'm sure he plays WoW). On the other hand, my cousin is a bitchy, fat, disgusting, land whale, who happens to make way more money than this guy. She is a mid-wife and a baby delivery specialist, etc. Why the fuck ANYONE would like either of these people is beyond me.
The reason that this is a Rave is that the annual X-mas Eve gathering is going to be fucking priceless. The elephant in the room will be glowing, tinseled, bells and whistles, just wanting attention.
Guess who's gonna show up drunk? Merry Christmas Motherfuckers

Rapist

12-24-2006, 04:04 AM

RANT: I took my sling off yesterday, and even though my elbow fucking hurt, it's not casted and I wrapped it with a tensor and played hockey, curled, and drank.

It started hurting a lot today, and I skated (Sprained ankle and everything, I just wrapped it really tight and tied my right skate really tight) and went to play drop in hockey again. During a face off, I got my elbow up and felt/heard a grinding noise.

I don't know what happened, but it's worse. A lot worse. Tomorrow I think I will actually have to go have my arm/elbow casted. It's all swollen and purple and gross looking. It hurts like a bitch.

Worst of all, it was barely even hurting before this. It's just a fracture, but I did something to make it worse, cause I was being stubborn. FUCK.

mav_ian

12-24-2006, 04:38 AM

Rant: The situation on my parent's farm and the rest of the country is so fucked up, that we're getting a pissy bit of rain and I'm feeling elated by that fact.

Rave: IT'S MOTHERFUCKING RAINING!!!

sillylittlefreak

12-24-2006, 05:19 AM

RAVE: I have an invite to a screening for a kickass movie that people will be talking about for years.

RANT: I don't trust anyone, especially people I know from this place, to keep this under wraps if I invite them along.

radangler

12-24-2006, 06:50 AM

Rant: It's Christmas eve, and I live about half an hour away from the record-holding snowiest city in NY (Syracuse) and it's 40 degrees out right now and raining. No snow whatsoever. Green christmas anyone?

Skiing Drunk

12-24-2006, 09:32 PM

Rave: We had a nice dusting of snow this afternoon to cover the bad-ass blanket of snow from Wednesday and Thursday. The presents are wrapped. My youngest has been bouncing off the walls in anticipation of Santa (and we're monitoring his progress on NORAD - www.noradsanta.org. The Donkeys had a Christmas miracle foisted upon them with a muffed extra point attempt. Silent night.

Peace and Merry Christmas to all you freaks!

HotWheelz

12-25-2006, 10:20 PM

MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS! (http://www.heaven666.org/celebs/stolen-vida-guerra-cell-phone-camera-pictures.php)(NWS)

grumf

12-25-2006, 10:35 PM

Best Christmas I've had for a very, very long time. Great food, great people and an endless supply of quality beverages. Back to work tomorrow though, if only for three days before it starts all again for New Years.

PJR808

12-26-2006, 02:25 AM

RANT:

My girlfriend of over 2 years left me right after Thanksgiving. I'm 27, and I thought we were going to get married. She quickly started seeing someone else. I have completely cut off all contact with her, and it sucks. Some days are alright, some days I'm just a pouty little bitch. I haven't seen her out with whoever she is seeing yet, but that is going to absolutely blow.

RAVE:

It needed to happen, and I know that.

RAVE:

I made it through Christmas ok, and I have a big trip planned for New Years that will put me close to many single women and far away from her.

RAVE:

I have been enjoying the shit out of being single.

RAVE:

Things I have read on this board have gotten me through it, as has really getting back into reading Robert Greene. As have internet porn and young college girls only an hour away.

RAVE:

It's Christmas, I have a family who I spent some time with, and I'm kinda drunk. Life aint so shitty.

RAVE:

My first love, the New Orleans Saints did not let me down this year. Today, they clinched a first round bye. It's been an amazing season, and I have been to every home game and the Sunday night game in Dallas.

BudmanCardsfan

12-26-2006, 09:07 AM

Rave

I have been dating a very nice girl for almost a month now, I could sit here all day and talk about all of the good qualities that she has, but there is one that sticks out the most....

She finally give me some pussy over the holiday weekend, and she got off six times in under ten minutes. I am completely amazed by this, as I have never seen such a thing. Is she some sort of sexual freak? Is this normal?

Pillage5

12-26-2006, 03:55 PM

Rave: I am 2 days into a 2 week vacation in Hawaii, I love it. Seeing family again and being in paradise has a way of putting a smile on anyone's face. My grandma cooks every morning and for lunch, she also thinks I eat like a 400 pound Sumo wrestler.

Rant: My aunt says I have a "southern twang" and my grandpa said I sound like a Haole (white person). Yes I have lived in the South for over 5 years now, but thought I had successfully been able to avoid sounding like a redneck. I guess I failed. Oh well, time to go to da beach and spark out some wahines.

shegirl

12-26-2006, 07:59 PM

Dear brother's "GF",

I tried to like you. I went out of my way to be nice and engaging with you, trying to strike up conversations to pull something out of you, anything. I found nothing. Instead it's like pulling teeth, actually that with the aide of gas and drugs is far far less so than sitting there with you.

When you stomped out of the bar last weekend I had no clue why, honestly I didn't care. What I did care about was the fact that you pulled some shit pissing my brother off so badly he packed his shit up at 1am and left your place. By the time he got to the house on Christmas Eve his attitude left a lot to be desired which upset the parents and in turn pissed me off. Right about now I think you both suck.

I know he's gone a lot but that's what happens when you date someone in the service. I know you'd like to have him all to yourself for the short time he is here over the holidays however, he has friends and family. Its really black or white, deal or bail. He is a pig for the most part, I know this but he is my brother and him being so makes no difference to me.

Sincerely,

Shegirl or the bitchy sister, whichever

PS Mom called and told me you've talked to him and thank the heavens above, you have apparently patched things up. WHEW! What a relief!

biggomez777

12-26-2006, 08:50 PM

Rave:

I got my first real job.

Rant:

It's in a maximum security juvenile prison in the midwest. Gotta love that liberal arts degree.

Expendable

12-26-2006, 10:41 PM

Rant - the fuckers denied my time off request for new year, because 'youre the most senior', damn fucking straight I am, Im tired of holding the noobs hands, you denied my PTO request for christmas with the same excuse, yet they were approved. Im going to get something sharp, dip it in liquid nitrogen and stick it up your uethra if you pull that again.

Rave - I dont have to spend New year with the MiL.

Rant - I got nothing for christmas, stoney broke.

Rave - someone close to me has decided to stop a self destructive habit.

Rant - The neighbours complained again about 'loud bassy music', without in fact checking it was coming from my appt. Surprise cocksuckers, Ive been listening with my Sennheiser `cans on, IT AINT ME.

Rave
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/136/334688488_e98642d2cc.jpg

these two little shitheads are providing far far too much entertainment.

_josh

12-27-2006, 06:18 AM

Rant:

The day before I went home for Christmas holidays at my College, one of my roommates (we live in quads) borrowed my brand new iPod Video to go to the gym and left it there when he went home. I didn't realize I didn't have it until midnight that night and when I approached him about it he admitted he had left it there and forgot about it and was sorry. If it was lost, he said he'd give me the iPod he was going to get for Christmas or buy me a new one.

I agreed to that, but still got security to look through the lost and found for it, as well as open the gym for me so I could search for it. It was nowhere to be found. I had to catch a flight at 6am that day so I left them my information and told them if they found it to hold it for me until I came back after holidays.

This whole holiday I just assumed that I'd get my iPod from him and it didn't worry me.

I just talked to my roommate today, and he said that he didn't get an iPod for Christmas and that he'd try to pay me back $20 a week until he makes up the $400 it cost me.

THAT IS BULLSHIT.

It'll take 5 months at that rate; 5 months too long without my fucking iPod. I want to kill the fucker, and I think I will. It could be worse, as I did get a sum of money in that would allow me to buy one immediately, but I shouldn't have to use my OWN money to buy back the iPod HE lost.

The asshole has never been good with money. I'll spot him money, he'll steal fifths of Rum from my fridge and so on; he is a complete asshole. The fucker lost my iPod, doesn't show any remorse at all, and although he offered to pay me back he's using the "never-never" plan. How about a dollar a day asshole?

All I want is my fucking iPod. I WANT MY FUCKING IPOD. You were an asshole, took it and didn't tell me, and then lost it. Fuck you. I am going to kill you.

M4A1

12-27-2006, 06:34 AM

Rant: I am a stupid-ass. After 12 months of dealing with a girlfriend that has consistantly ignored me, who is more selfish than I am, who can't seem to figure out what the fuck she wants, I am done. On Christmas Eve, I got the laundry list of,"why we've outgrown each other, why we should be just friends, and why it feels more natural with him" speech. Fine I can buy all that shit, its all bitch-speak for I want someone with more money. So be it. Then after eating a bowl of dumbass for breakfast, I check her email just to see whats been going on in there, and I find the,(the gist) I can't believe you don't appreciate me and I am ready to commit to you even though you treat me like shit and I've been with this other guy who's deployed, for 8 1/2 years, and we own a house, but I still want to be with you. I won't wait forever. Bullshit. So to recap: She wants him, I want(ed) her, and I am incredibly stupid. So now I have to go "home" to a woman that doesn't love me, to a house that some piece of shit has spent more nights in in the last year than me, a possible case of PTSD, and start my life over again. Thank you womanhood. Fucking liars and panty droppers. I am stupid for putting up with your shit, and yes, I admit that I put up with it, but no more. Fuck you, Fuck the Longshoreman(any man who fucks a servicemans woman while he is off in combat should have his dick nailed to a stump with a rusty nail, even if shes a whore), take your cats, give me my dog, and let me the fuck out!! You can keep the car, buy me out of the house, and enjoy the lifetime of debt that you now have at the 1st Bank of Karma. Oh yeah, I forgot, I'm still your best friend. There's always that.(fuck that, I am going back to my family, they really love me)

Rave: I was relieved of duty Xmas morning by a British Colonel so that I could have part of the day off. Very nice.

DuraCraft

12-27-2006, 10:24 AM

The way my brain and emotions work are impossibly uncooperative. I have been seeing a great girl for 6 months. She’s perfect in many ways. For some reason I feel the need to punish myself and form a crush on a girl in my office that is just about out of my league. I randomly bump into said girl about 2000 miles away while we were both on vacation a few weeks ago (neither of us realized the other was going on vacation, much less to the same destination). While fairly drunk in a bar there we both admitted to having an innocent, office crush. She has been with the same guy for a number of years.

Fast-forward a week to our company Christmas party. It is always a great time. Top shelf everything (Steak House, table service at a club afterward, everyone has Hotel Suites downtown, blah blah). Her boyfriend is there, my girlfriend is there and everyone gets along. We exchange a few looks/glances over the course of the evening that say we are both happy with our current situations and this is just an innocent…. whatever it is. At the end of the night she stares at me for a little too long while we are doing a shot of tequila. She is gorgeous. Her boyfriend definitely becomes a little more discerning of a situation between us. My girlfriend does not.

Fast-forward again to today. She comes in to the office and I hear her say she got a hope chest for Christmas. I can’t believe that I even care about this. What the fuck am I thinking? I am drinking tonight. Not alone. It’s time to call in some wingmen and probably place a large wager on a random sporting event. I have to get my head on straight. My girlfriend gets home from the other side of the country in 48 hours.

Doormat

12-27-2006, 11:46 AM

Rave: I leave for Mammoth Mountain for 4 days of snowboarding in 1 hour. Expect to hear of many injuries, as this will be my first time. I've already made a bet with my dad and brother that I'll be able to at LEAST hit some ramps by the 3rd day, and there is quite a bit of money wagered on this. Hopefully the God of Snowboarding will smile upon me for the next few days.

spenner

12-27-2006, 12:09 PM

Giddy Parent Rave..

My daughter is almost 10 months old. She's always been attached to me, obviously I'm her dad, but recently, she gets really upset if I leave her. On Christmas, she was sitting on my lap watching the Eagle's game with me and during a commercial I got up to take a leak. My friends were there, and they see her a lot, so it's not like they are total strangers to her, but as soon as I got up, she started screaming and crying. As soon as I got back and held her, she started laughing and clapping her little hands.

She does this a lot now. It's so hard to leave for work because as soon as I walk out the door, I look back and she's crying in her mom's arms. It's really sad. I love when I come home though and she crawls over to me and holds onto my leg until I pick her up. It's such a good feeling making somebody so happy just because you walked in the door or your presence in general.

I go to a lot of Eagle's game, but when I do watch a game at home, she'll always watch the whole thing with me and it seems like she genuinely enjoys it. She'll get really excited when I get excited and sad when I get sad during the game. It's incredibly cute, and I don't think I ever want her to grow up.

shimmered

12-27-2006, 09:02 PM

go kart = GREAT present for young children.
Bubble wrap = better present for a 4 year old.
PSP = kicking my goddamned ass right now on a fucking game rated for 2 year olds.

Playing with a little buzz probably doesn't help.

rave:
I got 1200 tc sheets for christmas.

Faraday

12-27-2006, 09:28 PM

Rave:

For Christmas, I decided to spend a week with my parents. For most of you, that sounds like hell. However, I've had the best time just sitting around, talking to the parental units, watching bad TV with them and making fun of the shows, and just generally doing jack shit. I've never been so entertained as just sitting in the living room with my Mom and mercilessly making fun of and cheering against the idiot contestants on "Deal or No Deal".

During the year, I'm always rushing from one thing to another, from work, to alumni club, to my training sessions. This week, I am spending the entire time doing NOTHING.

And it has been everything that I hoped it would be.

phishey

12-27-2006, 10:11 PM

Rave: Christmas is awesome. I'm still getting presents. Also, my daughter got a Gamecube, and I can manipulate her into cleaning all sorts of things for a little "earned" game time.

Rant: I started taking Celexa about 3 weeks ago, (for OCD and anxiety,) and I can't have a goddamn orgasm now. OK - i'm not actually having sex with anyone, but I have needs, man. I'm used to a good 3-5 porn-and-vibrator sessions a week. I can try and try and try, but all I get is a little mini-gasm, and i'm not a happy girl right now.

Sweet Marissa

12-28-2006, 12:26 AM

RANT
Okay, I know I have issues with my heart. The left pumping chamber works extra hard because my body doesn't get enough oxygen and blah blah blah. Why does it have to feel like a heart attack? It's not like I'm 300 pounds of fat with congested arteries. Though it tires me easily (because of said feeble heart), I'm relatively active. Every fucking time, I think, "Is this The One?" Even now. I should fucking be asleep, instead of clutching at my chest like an overwrought mastectomy patient.

LTribbey

12-28-2006, 01:29 AM

As much as I bitch and moan about working from home and the inherant loneliness, it has its advantages:

This afternoon, I wrapped myself around a woman for the first time in two months. I explored every piece of her, 20 feet and 1000 miles away from the nasty particulars of daily life. And while it could have happened (later) even if I worked in an office, two things presented the option of a 1st rate, mid-afternoon, heated tryst:

1. Well-sanded authenticity.

2. The shockingly good advice of the TMMB - which helped me locate my freedom.

Thanks, folks.

BudLight

12-28-2006, 02:19 AM

Rant: I was given the choice of being off work New Years Eve, or New Year's Day. I offered to close on the 31st and be off the 1st, so I'm now scheduled to close on the 31st AND work the next day. Fuck you, job. I've had one day off in six weeks because I always cover for your wonderful management, who sees fit to accept over 50% call-offs for every shift. Maybe if I call off for that shift, you'll realize you need to give your better workers a break, or maybe you'll just fire me - either way, I'm happy.

TXBelle

12-28-2006, 02:48 AM

Rave: I am so happy and blessed to be back in the great state of Texas with great friends and my wonderful family. That is truly all I wanted. I'm content just to visit loved ones and visit my beautiful city that I'm in love with and will always call home!

Rant: The Cowboys. Why must you embarrass me so?

Rant: How did most of my friends from high school end up married or engaged? We're 23 years old. Who, in the year 2006, outside of Bumfuck, Texas, gets married immediately after college graduation? I don't have a problem with friends getting married young...I have a problem with my friends being utterly whipped by their husbands/wives. I see you three fucking times a year and you can't stay out after nine because Significant Other has to get up early? I don't care. I didn't want to visit your husband/wife, I'm just being polite; I want to see YOU.

Rave: I'm HOME!

Kavod

12-28-2006, 05:34 AM

Fuckin' Rave of All Raves:

I officially will be having the greatest new years ever. I'm invited to the house of Mike Cambell, the bassist from Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. It will be quite amazing because Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers will be playing all night while everyone is getting trashed and welcoming in 2007. I couldn't imagine a better New Years party to go to, EVER.

grumf

12-28-2006, 07:06 AM

I have blisters on the back of both my heels the size of beer bottle caps from these fucking boots and a huge sweat rash on the inside of my left thigh from sweating like a cunt in this 38°C heat in full protective clothing. My eyes were swimming in sweat from my mono goggles all afternoon, fucking weather. Tomorrow is only going to be 32°C though.

drewthered

12-28-2006, 08:48 AM

Dear Ex Girlfriend: Fuck you, you hypocritical bitch.

I don't care about the fact that your now dating one of my best friends - after all we broke up almost 2 years ago, but you just had to shovel a big scoop of your hypocritical bullshit onto it. This is what truly lead to me throwing your ass to the curb. You always talked about how you never wanted me to feel 'hurt' because you were such a good Christian, and you won't lie or talk bad about people - yet you bitched day in and day out on your blog about me when I dumped you, and said a ton of things that were blatant lies. It was interesting to see how terrible you thought I was when after I dumped you you tried to talk me into getting back together. When you found out I read your blog, you gave me even more bullshit about how you thought I would never see that, and the last thing you wanted to do was 'hurt' me. So its OK to lie about me as long as I don't know?

Now honestly, you can date whoever you want, we broke up almost two fucking years ago. I'm cool with whatever you do, as i know your taking an extra year at high school while I'm spending a year in another country and was accepted to every university I applied to with scholarships. Just when you decided I shouldn't know you were dating one my best friends because you thought I would feel bad, and you don't want to make me feel bad really got me. If you actually had 10% of these morals you always talked about you wouldn't do something that you thought would hurt me now would you? I use to think you were at least trying to be a good person, but I can't lie to myself.

disqoteena

12-28-2006, 11:31 AM

Insignificant rant, but it still pisses me off, especially since its happened to me twice today already.

Why do people insist on trying to enter an elevator the minute the doors open? Do they not ever stop to think that someone else might be trying to get off on your floor? Especially over the lunch hour when everyone’s trying to head down to the cafeteria? Don’t fucking stand there and block the door, and then get all pissy when people have to push past you to exit. GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY.

I miss the days of common courtesy.

shegirl

12-28-2006, 12:52 PM

RANT:
Nothing to eat yesterday except a handful Cheez-it's then pouring 3 Spanish Coffees, 3 Buttery Nipples and 2 Screwdrivers down my throat is never advisable. Let alone on a school night.

I feel like I have been run over, picked up and put through a fucking wood chipper, yet survived.

gumby

12-28-2006, 01:17 PM

Rave: Im going to rome for new years eve. HAHA FUCKERS!

Dick Trickle

12-28-2006, 02:11 PM

Dear Job Applicant.
A little friendly advice, next time you go in to fill out a job application you may want to build some rapport with the interviewer before you come out and explain that you spent the last three years in a minimum security facility because at you last job you got caught having a sexy chat with a 16 year old. I had not even opened this moron’s resume and he is telling me he was caught in one of those Hi I’m Chris Hansen stings. Yeah don’t call us cause we won’t be calling you. NEXT

The Good Doctor

12-28-2006, 03:06 PM

RANT:

I just learned that producer Jimmy Brusca, Fat Tad and sports guy Dave Dameshek have been fired from the Adam Carolla Radio Show and replaced with Danny Bonaduce. What a sad day. I loved Dave's Jerk List and his #1 sports.

Lowest

12-28-2006, 04:31 PM

Rave: I had this hilarious dream last night that I was hooking up with an old girlfriend, and then after finishing the deed, in my dream I said "Oh yeah, by the way, I'm married. See ya."

In my dream, the old girlfriend wasn't happy. For reason it seemed sneaky and funny at the time. Maybe it was because this particular ex had cheated on me. I don't know. Maybe I should be concerned because I'm dream cheating (which I've known guys to get busted for before.)

Rant: I woke up with a chuckle, but I couldn't exactly share it with my wife.

ultrabrite99

12-28-2006, 04:47 PM

Two Post-Christmas Raves:

--I stayed at my sister's house for about half of the trip. I wake up at about 8 every morning because I'm too boring to sleep late, so I would just watch TV until everyone else woke up. The morning of the 23rd, I hit Tivo gold: Three hours of Bobby's World looking like a shiny dildo surrounded by people jumping around and yelling at briefcases. I've heard of this cultural phenomenon, but had yet to see it for myself. It's amazing. There's no skill involved. You don't have to know anything. You just run around, cry, and yell at/pray to inanimate objects. It's like a gameshow of my life, but instead of crippling depression and paralyzing self-doubt, you get money.

--On Christmas Eve, we went over to my dad and Step-mother's house to open presents. My dad got my step-brother some sort of weird orb that changed colors because my step-brother is a pothead and would be enthralled with it (like a kitten and an empty box). My dad then starts a story in the best way a dad could possibly start a story on Christmas eve:

"So speaking of crazy drug experiences, I was on mescaline this one time..."

GcDiaz

12-29-2006, 10:20 AM

RAVE: Ramon Hernandez. You filthy cocksucking waste of food and oxygen. I'm not much for religion, but I'll say it was God's will that you were brought into the precint just as my sister was waiting to give her statement. I guess your 12th mugging didn't go so well. Boo fuckin hoo. Shame you didn't have her money in your pockets, but we'll take what we can get. See you at trial, asshole.

Angus

12-29-2006, 04:56 PM

RANT:
I'm a seasoned drinker. I only drank beer last night. Granted, I drank 14 or 15, but it was only beer, and weak beer(Natty) at that. I now feel like I've been hit across the head with a fucking tire iron. I haven't had a hangover this long-lasting in quite some time.

RANT part 2:
I'm "the boyfriend" again, and the new girlfriend is dragging me to her friend's house tonight. I like her friend. I like her friend's husband. I do not, however, like their two hellion children. They make me as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. The girlfriend becomes the kids' fucking mom when we go there, too, because their real mom sits at home all day with them and gets tired of them. The screaming also will not help my headache. Fuck.

RAVE:
Go Dawgs tomorrow!

The_Commuter

12-29-2006, 05:58 PM

Rave: Got an Xbox 360 from my in-laws for Christmas. First off, I love that they recognized that my wife is unwilling to "enable my gaming habit" and decided that they should make up for it. Also, Gears of War and Dead Rising are absolute love. Both are miles better than anything else I'd played in a while. I am incredibly lucky to have cool in-laws, and I know it.

HotWheelz

12-30-2006, 04:21 AM

I'm off to Vegas!

InsidiousKermit

12-30-2006, 10:45 AM

Rave: Last night was fucking awesome, and I blacked out the shitty parts.

Rant: Someone stole my new sweatshirt while I was passed out on the bathroom floor. I spent an hour looking for it (and my car keys that had been in the pocket) this morning. At least the nice guy that took it left my car keys in the silverware drawer in the kitchen.

meremadness

12-30-2006, 11:12 AM

RAVE:
This morning my PseudoSister called me to repeat a joke her brother told her " You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think!" ... She's 9. She's not really sure why it's funny, or what a whore is but she knows it's making her parents laugh. Oh how I love children.

She

12-30-2006, 03:55 PM

Rant:

I just got shafted by some cunt on Amazon.

Rave:

I have his home address.

MoreCowbell

12-30-2006, 06:08 PM

It's snowing.

If this had happened before Christmas, it would have been proof that there is both a God and a Santa Claus.

Now....it at least establishes reasonable doubt to atheism.

gumby

12-30-2006, 06:25 PM

rave- saddam is dead
rave - video http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-7532034279766935521
NSFW really

corrupter

12-30-2006, 08:02 PM

Rant- My motorcyle died tonight. Its the starter motor $170 + towing = +/- $250 that I didn't want to spend to start the new year. Fuck I need a truck.

Rave- The bike refused to start at a house and I was able to put it in the garage for the night, and the girl was cool enough to give me a ride home. Also tonights UFC card looks good and I look forward to Bisping kicking ass.

Mansfieldatron

12-30-2006, 08:15 PM

Rant:

My parents are retarded. I hate it how they're force feeding my goddamn 13 month old niece this constant stream of religious bullshit. Singing her Bible songs and teaching her to point to the sky when they ask "Where's Jesus?" is NOT going to fucking help her succeed in life. I love this baby to death, she's the coolest (She dances to heavy metal music!), she's smart as fuck (She walked before she turned one, and was actually coordinated to rarely ever fall down, she's already vocalizing, she knows how to open doors, can't reach the doorknobs yet though), she's the most adorable baby ever and they're polluting her mind with this fucked up Christianity bullshit. It's not the actual acts they're doing (that does piss me off, but not to this extent), it's the fact that they're going to try to continue this bullshit until she's programmed like I was. I'm not fucking having it. Call it overreacting, but I'm talking with her mom, my sister-in-law, about this shit. This shit just isn't cool and it needs to stop. Even the pastor of the church I used to go to said, talking about me, that "Once he stopped listening to rap, he was a much better person." I'm not going to go off on how much bullshit that was, but the fact of the matter was, I still listened to equally "bad" music, if not worse. The big change was that I denounced Christianity and opened myself up to a broader spectrum of thinking. The last thing I want to see is this adorable baby with amazing mental potential have her psychological growth stunted by this spiritual pipe dream with a fucked up moral compass that we call Christianity.

Rant: I fucking hate a stuffy nose and a bad cough.

EvilGreg

12-31-2006, 01:30 AM

Rave I just got an email from TMMB saying "happy birtday".

Rave A Canadian boy won his UFC match.

Rave Yes I am drunk, and I will be drunk throughout my birthday. I'm looking forward to starting my day with "all-day breakfast and a pint for $10" at the local pub.

Rant I have just turned 25. Age-wise I have nothing more to look forward to, other than forced retirement.

Rave I can now make fun of all music made from this day on and call it crap. SIX FEET UNDER RULES!!!!

shabamon

12-31-2006, 05:10 PM

RANT: The Cincinnati Bengals. When the playoffs are on the line and you have a home game against your most hated rival to end the regular season, you do not fucking let them push you around like rag dolls. I'm pissed the season is over, because Marvin Lewis can't make you run suicides until you die. A shit ton of you really, really need to be cut. I hope to all things holy San Francisco beats Denver just so it makes you sick.

We need to draft a Joey Porter clone so we can have a junk yard dog presence on defense.

dfb547490

12-31-2006, 06:11 PM

Rant: It's New Year's and I'm fucking sick as a dog. Splitting headache, sore throat, and my head feels like someone is inflating it with an industrial-strength tire pump. I don't really mind missing paying $75 cover and $15 for drinks so that I can hang out with metrosexuals for Amateur Night at some bar, but I do enjoy New Year's since the girls seem to be extra slutty. Celebrating the Eagles division championship would've also been nice. Oh well, there are worse fates than saving some cash, watching last night's UFC which I missed (thanks MikeT for the download links), and watching Thug U lose on the blue turf of Boise.

The Good Doctor

12-31-2006, 06:51 PM

RANT:

Flat tire. In the sidewall. Unrepairable. Can't be fixed until Tuesday. 2006 has really left a dogshit taste in my mouth.

MoreCowbell

12-31-2006, 07:05 PM

There was an empty scotch bottle hidden in my room before.

It's no longer there.

This is going to be bad.

shimmered

12-31-2006, 07:32 PM

Rant: Sexually inept women.
I just picked up a copy of this month's Cosmo & Glamour to peruse the makeup and clothes, and see what the latest "Touch him like you never have before!!!!" tips are.
I am absolutely FLOORED at the sexual ineptitude of the women who read these magazines.
Touch his balls? REALLY? You've gotta be fucking kidding me! WHO KNEW men liked having their balls touched and licked!
Run your hands up his thighs? No freaking way. A guy would like that? Really? You're shitting me.
Squeezing his ass while he's pumping? Well goddamn. THAT'S a revelation.

Where are the women who read this shit and didn't know it before? Isn't that all a part of the whole "sexual experience" when being intimate with a guy? Good grief.

If cosmo/glamour et al are your sexual bibles and you get your tricks and tips from their glossy pages, stop fucking. Now. All you're doing is giving the rest of the female gender a bad name. Stupid women shouldn't fuck.

MiddleAgedAdolescent

12-31-2006, 08:03 PM

RAVE:
Falling in love twice this year with all of the heady ecstacy and joy of that amazing experience.

RANT:
Falling out of love twice this year with all of the horrible heartache of breaking up.

OVERVIEW:
I think I came out ahead. Cause both times, the sex was so very over the top. It was certainly worth a little heartache.

Deepinit

01-01-2007, 01:00 PM

RAVE #1:
Here's to being spared from having to give sacrifice to the porcelain gods

RAVE #2:
Hurray for Option C (http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?p=391074#post391074)! I'm still in absolute shock/awe/hysterics about the whole night. This one is most definitely a keeper. So okay, I have a feeling that she may burn me in the future but so long as she looks the way she does in a corset and fishnet stockings I couldn't give a damn.

HAPPY NEW YEARS! It's time for bed.

toddamus2

01-01-2007, 02:00 PM

the madre just chose a beer every night over the family, good job ma, way to make us proud

highlife24

01-01-2007, 02:05 PM

RAVE: The Packers beat the Bears!

WillardSchreck

01-01-2007, 08:41 PM

So there I was, with some boys, having hangover lunch at a Hot Shotz, near my house...

Dear "Golden Tee Douchebags" (because there's never only one),

Do you really have to "warm your fingers up" and shake your arms out for that next shot? It's a trackball, dude. Same one they had on "Missile Command," 20 years ago. Do you really need to grunt when you spin that trackball? And, what's with this neck thing, where you crik your neck back and forth, like Rocky Balboa does before fights? What does that do for you, other than make you look like a total guido douche?

Somehow, I bet this guy either, a) has never played "real" golf, or b) does, but really sucks at it.

strange_daze_indeed

01-01-2007, 11:23 PM

Rave:

I just got my final results from my nursing degree.

11 High Distinctions

5 Distinctions

I ended up Dux of the school ( in Nursing).

Rant:

FUCK ALL of you 19 year old Barbie Doll bitches that decided nursing was going to be one long episode of ER. Who rolled eyes at the *grandmas* club (average age 35) who had come back to higher education after a LONG break. Thats right, I beat all your asses. DUX baby! Highest score out of every student. Stick that in your fucking low rider jeans

Ah that felt good

slightlydainbramaged

01-02-2007, 12:59 AM

RAVE:

I hate Oklahoma. Here's to going for it when common sense says to play it safe.

Boise State bitches!

RileyAZ

01-02-2007, 09:49 AM

Rave - The Fiesta Bowl was one of the best, most exciting games I have seen in a while. Boise rocks and it was sweet seeing the Sooners get their smug "this one will be easy" attitudes adjusted!

Rant - Johnson, you just played the game of a lifetime and could be out gettign your dick sucked by every stripper in AZ, why on earth do you have to pussify yourself and propose to your bitchy looking girlfriend on naitonal TV!

the_girl

01-02-2007, 12:31 PM

Rant: My sister (the one with the porn site, for those who saw it) had an asthma attack on NYE, right before we were about to head to a party. Her hubby took her to the emergency room, where her condition deteriorated, so she's still in observation. Hopefully she'll get out today.

We're getting a bunch of conflicting shit from doctors: one said that she has asthma, another said she has pulmonary obstructive disease. The last doctor took away her frisbee-looking purple inhaler and said she didn't need it, now this doctor says she should have been taking it twice a day. What the hell??

Rave: I met a military boy who was wounded in Iraq. I'm ridiculously turned on by the scars on his neck. Should I tell him that? I know that some guys would (and do) use it to get laid, but is it insulting or demeaning to straight up tell him I'm into it? Guys, can you give me a heads up on this?

Rant: Oh yeah I almost forgot - my purse was lifted off me in Hollywood on Saturday night. Phone, wallet, and passport are gone. I'm surprised with how little I care - and actually kind of proud of myself. I left my phone at a hotel in Pahrump, NV a year ago and practically tore my hair out before I got it back. I already did all the bullshit with reports of the stolen passport, phone, credit card.

What really pisses me off is the cheapest thing in the purse: a film cannister from the 60's - my dad's weed stash container when he served on a tug boat in Thailand back then. He passed it down to me to use, legacy style, and now it's gone. I don't have the heart to tell him. I'm planning to look out for another one (and if anyone has one they'd like to sell, pm me) but it won't be the same.

edit: somebody asked for my sister's site address: sexynikki.com (http://www.sexynikki.com). I put it on the porn thread but it's not free so I asked a mod to delete it.

shegirl

01-02-2007, 02:22 PM

RANT:

To all of you god damn city, state and those who work in government offices, fuck you! You fuckers got an extra day off just because Ford kicked the bucket. Yes I am bitter. I hate you all.

RANT #2:

I think I watched Favres last game on Sunday. He cried, I cried and it sucked even though they beat the Bears (for those that live under a rock, it didn't mean shit, the playoffs were a done deal before the game even started). I don't give a shit what any hater says, the guy was an attribute to the sport and he will be missed.

Jackal

01-02-2007, 02:49 PM

Big Fucking Rave

To Guitar Hero 2 (http://ps2.ign.com/objects/823/823033.html) , you are by far the most addicting game I have played in over a year. Playing you drunk only makes me zone in better and get even higher scores. The best though is when you have two guitars and you can jam with friends, one person on lead and the other playing bass.

This game is just pure awesome. That is all. Happy New Year.

NattyLight1128

01-02-2007, 02:50 PM

RANT:

To all of you god damn city, state and those who work in government offices, fuck you! You fuckers got an extra day off just because Ford kicked the bucket. Yes I am bitter. I hate you all.

Damn, you sound like my girlfriend.

Rave: I don't have to work today, thus I am drinking beer and procrastinating in completing the cleaning duties that I agreed to night. I'll just contend that I don't remember such promises.

MoreCowbell

01-02-2007, 04:05 PM

senorViper

01-02-2007, 06:04 PM

Rant:
Why do I have to be so fucking stupid. I ruined everything with a gorgeous girl who has been nothing but kind, loyal, and generous with me. The worst of it is that she's hurt. Honestly, I'd rather her just be pissed off. Now that I realize what I lost, and that we had a decent chance, I feel like the biggest douche in the world (next to Dr. Phil and Anthony Dimeo). I need a beer

$100T2

01-02-2007, 07:28 PM

RANT:

Thanks alot, shitneck.

Yeah, that's a nickname for my black lab. Care to guess why? I'll give you a hint. It's because every now and then, she likes to roll her neck in other animals excrement. I don't know why she does it. But, she did it about 5 days ago, got a bath, and lo and behold, did it again tonight!

You know, I love her, but sometimes she's just fucking crazy. Last thing I want to do is give her a bath when it's 30 degrees out.

Gambit

01-02-2007, 07:29 PM

A dream that I've had for a while now has finally been realized. I can fucking beatbox. Months of sounding like a gibbering retard, covering myself with my own spit...it finally paid off. I got this shit DOWN. 4/4, 2/4, 6/8, with or without humming. Some may call this childish and stupid or reprimand me for wasting valuable study time learning a skill that has no practical purpose. Fuck you, naysayers. You are no fun, and I am.

meremadness

01-02-2007, 08:37 PM

RANT:

I'm pretty sure my car is possessed.
Here I am, curled up on the couch and watching back episodes of 24- inside my tiny little downstairs apartment, wearing little more then a tank and boyshorts- And there is a rather loud and somewhat persistant knock at my door. Figuring it's a booty caller without the calling, or my best friend with some sort of disaster ( Like last night... " Ohmygod, I can't find the shoes that go with this skirt. WHAT WILL I WEAR ON MY FEET?! " ), I just yell "GET YOUR ASS IN HERE AND DON'T YOU DARE LET OUT ANY OF MY HEAT" ... I look up and meet 5 of my male neighbors.

They live in the Frathouse across the street from me, and want to inform me that my car has rolled out of my driveway- and across the street. Into their fence. (Since it's a duplex, they just knocked on the first door they saw at the house and got me)

What?!
MY CAR ROLLED OUT OF MY DRIVEWAY AND INTO THEIR FENCE!

How is that even possible ? I mean, obviously after my little NYE joyride I must have done some sort of damage but I hadn't driven anywhere for hours. I was in park ,and the E break was on.

Only possible explanation is Satan living in my vehicle.

Proser

01-02-2007, 10:19 PM

On New Year's Day, I got three cans of black-eyed peas at Kroger. The last three cans.

I'd like to think I'm a gentleman, but I admit: I hip-checked a pregnant lady to score those peas. They were hidden way at the back of the shelf, where produce goes to spoil and die.

There were at least ten people in the canned vegetable aisle. Everyone was silent and staring intently at the rows of cans, all of them thinking the same thing I'd been thinking minutes before: "Where the fuck are those black-eyed peas? I've seen 'em. They're supposed to be right THERE. Next to the okra and the white beans that only smelly vegans and foreigners will buy. Surely, a GROCERY STORE didn't run out of black-eyed peas. WHERE ARE THE PEAS I AM FUCKED IF I DON'T GET MY PEAS ON NEW YEAR'S DAY WHERE ARE THE PEAS?"

I took off my coat and hid the peas underneath. I whistled, nonchalantly, as I turned my shopping cart around the corner and in to the pasta/flour/breadcrumbs/rice/tabouli aisle.

Safe, finally, I finished my shopping and went to check out.

No peas.

I asked the attractive lady in line behind me, "Did you see my peas?"

She looked confused.

"Answer me!" Didn't help. Raised a few eyebrows, actually.

Someone had stolen my peas. It must have been when I left my cart next to the sour cream and yogurt, for a few seconds while I walked down the aisle to get grapefruit juice. I think it was the pregnant lady. Or maybe she was just acting pregnant.

Anyway, so RANT: Now my 2007 is all cursed.

Kavod

01-03-2007, 03:54 AM

I think I have both a rant and a rave. I just got back from UCLA area where I just had sex with a girl that I was hooking up with on New Years Eve. Obviously that is the rave, but the rant is that we did it in my car and I lost a sock. I'm completely befuddled; how do I lose a sock in my own car!? I've probably looked through everything twice and I couldn't find it.

By the way, don't ask why my socks were off my feet. I don't even recall taking them off. I was suddenly missing one in all the hooplah of the night as I took her back to her friends.

Edit: I also forgot to mention, my car is an RSX. Those things are roomier than they look.

Doormat

01-03-2007, 04:23 AM

Rant: I got back from my snowboarding trip yesterday, and after dealing with standstill traffic because of some stupid stop sign in California City on the way to LA, I have been aching all over for the past 24 hours. It seems my already fucked up right wrist and right rotator cuff have been injured even worse (if that's even possible). I'm pretty sure I have no cartilage left in either area after the accidents suffered this past week. In other news, my brother decided that it would be funny to give me an extra push while sledding down a hill, which promptly resulted in me careening off course and slamming into a tree. Said crash resulted in a gash in leg and a very broken-in-half tree.

Double Rant: FUCK, I just realized I left my weightlifting gloves at the resort I stayed at in Mammoth. God damnit, 15 bucks is a lot of money for a broke and starving college student living on tangerines and cereal.

Rave: I just concocted the greatest fucking combination of cereal known to mankind: Reese's puffs and cinammon toast crunch. Fuck you naysayers, this is cinammony peanut buttery goodness at its finest. For those of you who think cereal is only for children, please put your dick in a waffle iron and turn it on.

Double Rave: I finally got my 4 giant neon beer/sports team signs for my apartment. This place is starting to look like a dive bar (minus dirtiness and old white people). Anyone TMMB regulars who are in the UCLA area and can afford a 6 pack or a bottle of hard liquor are welcome to crash here to play some foosball and console games, provided I don't get the desire to kick your ass upon laying eyes on you.

TXBelle

01-03-2007, 10:23 AM

Rave: In my holiday-induced sloth I've discovered The Office and Friday Night Lights. Steve Carell makes me happy inside.

Rant: I go back to work tomorrow.

Gangston Cashwell

01-03-2007, 11:46 AM

I.. I dont know where to put this but it made my morning

I go back to school on Friday so I've been harassing the pets around the house as much as possible when I'm home. Just now I look outside the sliding glass window of my kitchen and see my cat sitting next to a squirrel a few feet away. I open the door, they both look at me. I grab a walnut, the squirrel walks up, GRABS THE WALNUT WITH HIS PAWS AND MOUTH, and walks away. The cat comes inside. That was some Dr. Dolittle shit right there. Seriously, what the fuck? I guess you could call it a rave.

shimmered

01-03-2007, 02:39 PM

All I want to do is just download Grey's Anatomy and watch it on my ipod while I'm on the treadmill. That's it. Nothing fantastic. Nothing crazy. Nothing out of this world. WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I WATCH IT? WHY IS ITUNES BEING A BITCH???
I'm trying to do this the LEGAL WAY for ONCE IN MY FUCKING LIFE and the mother fucking program won't take my goddamn credit card information, the episode I DID download won't GO onto my ipod and I'mjust generally pissed off about this situation. If I try to sync my ipod to allow the goddamn videos guess what? It wants to delete EVERYTHING ON MY FUCKIN IPOD.
THIS IS A PROBLEM FOR ME DAMMIT.
I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE TO FUCK WITH REINSTALLING ALL MY SHIT ON MY IPOD.

FUCKING FUCKER PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT.

APPLE! THIS IS WHY people are suing you you worthless motherfuckers.

Tommy Jenkins

01-03-2007, 03:32 PM

Wow....this is my first, and possibly last post on this board... where should i start? :

props: for actually delivering on a piece of literature from which every recovering alcoholic male can relate on a semi-real level

for admitting that you have herpes.

for repping your friends

for selling your soul for a lifetime supply of cold suds and the strong probability that you will die alone.....and noone will visit your gravesight, ha!

drops:

for sleeping with a transvestite

for being a closet homosexual

for having two first names

for being a complete sketcher

for being carbon

for having your salad tossed

for having herpes

for having absolutely no street smarts

in closing, i will admit that i did enjoy the first 200 pages of your book, then it lost all its flavor somewhere around the part you started hanging out in gay bars and regurgitating tired sex stories.....but none the less, it definetely outweights obama's new book

but all the same, i think youre a complete toolbox. and if i ever have the pleasure of crossing your path in this lifetime, i'll pretend to be a huge fan in hopes that youll cover my hurting ass tab for the night.

p.s. there's no beer in hell, only flaming doctor pepper's

Deepinit

01-03-2007, 03:37 PM

RANT:

Dear ScotiaBank,

May you die in a corporate fire. I go in on December 28 to put a stop payment for this month on my student loan because as you can see from my account, I don't have my financial self together at the moment. Yet somehow you retards manage to let it slip by you and now I'm in the hole with -$338?!

What the fuck! It's not like I came in five minutes before the bank closed on NYE. I paid you $20 FIVE DAYS BEFORE the payment was due and now you've essentially fucked me until next Tuesday with no money what.so.ever.

You bitches owe me $365 plus the $20 service charge and so help me if I don't see that money back by the end of the business day after being put on hold multiple times after trying to reach you I will walk up to your corporate office downtown and shoot up the motherfucking boardroom. Do you understand the words that are written on the monitor? I will shoot every member of the bank's board in the face and go through their wallets until I collect my $385.

I am tired of being fucked over for charges that are constantly coming up out of nowhere when my account has miraculously been in the black for the last 6 months. I am tired of the system fucking new grads over and I think it's high time for me to strap on that sandpaper condom and start fucking you bitches up the ass. I want my fucking money assholes! Where's my money!? Why don't you have my money! Who told you that you could take my money! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! and FUCK YOU!

/end rant

dfb547490

01-03-2007, 03:39 PM

Rant: Tommy Jenkins has, as far as I know, not been lowered slowly into a vat of sulfuric acid.

Tommy Jenkins

01-03-2007, 03:43 PM

Chant: Eagles suck

cockykyle

01-03-2007, 06:07 PM

RAVE: Last year started a yearly tradition during the football season with Nattylight (http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/member.php?userid=6101)

We bet on some kind of meaningless, yet highly entertaining stat or even a specific game. Last year, we bet on the Seahawks/Redskins game. I was very excited when the Hawks won because that would mean that Natty would have to consume some beverages of my choosing in a set time limit. I was very pleased to see him paying off his debt and posting the pictures on the Samsung thread.

This year was stressful to watch. It would be 1 shot of alcohol for every 30 yds difference in total rushing yards between Shaun Alexander and Clinton Portis. When Alexander went out in week 3 with a broken foot, I thought I was totally fucked. Then a few weeks later, Portis went out with a broken hand. I was redeemed. All Alexander had to do was make up enough ground to hopefully at least make it a wash. I am now 2-0 in the Cockykyle/Nattylight football betting tradition. Alexander and Portis finished the season 373 yards apart on the rushing totals for the regular season. Natty must consume 12 shots of quality liquor in a 2 hr span and show photographic evidence of completing his task.

I look forward to next years football season so I can continue my winning ways.

NattyLight1128

01-03-2007, 06:27 PM

blackbird

01-04-2007, 01:57 PM

Rave
After nearly 6 months of looking and interviewing, I was finally offered an awesome job. Moving at the end of the month to a totally new place to start a new chapter of my life, and I could not be more excited.

Rant
Moving is going to be a bitch.

Rave
But it'll be worth it.

PJR808

01-04-2007, 03:23 PM

RANT: I am having serious issues with my recent breakup. I feel like a pathetic 15 year old high school girl sometimes. I pride myself on being able to manage my emotions well, but a few things have happened lately that have made it pretty hard.

1) I ran into her little sister (who is 23), who of course, told me a bunch of shit to fill my head about how her sister is still in love with me and how I'm like part of the family and all this other crap. It fucked with me, enough to make me send a long email to her, and then just forward it to my ex for some reason. However, the email said a lot, but never said "I want to get back together." It was more of a "this is why I fucked your little sister's friend justification email." Oh yea, I fucked the little sister's friend, without knowing they were friends, so that's not so bad I guess.

2) Fucking Facebook! I can't get away from pictures of her. I avoid all contact with her, but pictures pop up on facebook and I happen to see them and I think to myself, well looking at them is another step in getting over her, so I look at them, and then BAM, my heart drops my hands shake, and I can think of nothing else for the next hour. As a preemptive strike to the suggestion I know is coming, I "de-friended" her on all that bullshit and I have never looked at her profile, but we have many mutual friends, and it would be ridiculous of me to defriend everyone of them.

Anyway, it's an up and down battle. To make matters worse, she just moved to my city. What the fuck? She talked about it for 6 months and never did it, and now that we break up, she is here. Fucking pathetic.

RAVE: I look at her in pictures and think things like: way to cover up those big calves. Nice pushup bra, they don't sit nearly that high. I can tell you're wearing spanks because you have definitely gained some weight - you're not that skinny. You smile so big in every single picture, I can't help but think it's the complete opposite of what is going on inside. I mean really, every smile is so big it just seems weird. All of this is chldish and worthless emotion, but it gets me by when nothing else will.

RAVE: So far, I have turned all this negativeness I'm feeling into a lot of positive output. I read a lot more. I work out a lot more. I do a better job at work (most days). And I recently made a life altering decision (that I don't want to discuss on the slim chance that someone I work with woudl read this and know me). Oh, and I meet girls everywhere I go. Maybe I'm just futilely trying to fill the void, but it works, for a little while.

RAVE: It's been a month and almost 2 weeks, and I'm still here doing it. Even when I wake up in the morning with the feeling of physical pain over this, I put my clothes on and I go. I know it gets better, and that's what I'm living for right now.

RAVE: I have the most amazing friends in the world, and they have been there every step of the way.

RAVE: People on this board are extremely helpful, and I really appreciate it.

Rave: And this is extremely trite, but I have had better sex with one of my fuckbuddies then I ever had with her, and I have only been with this girl a few times. And I think sex definitely gets better as you get to know the person (at least for a period of time), so I'm expecting it to keep improving. Don't get me wrong, this girl is not relationship material, but the sex is considerably better (but I guess most sex is better than only 2 positions -missionary and her on top facing me - with the lights off and usually only after she's drunk).

Rant: I need to stop being such a bitch and writing posts like this and go get laid more.

Pillage5

01-04-2007, 03:51 PM

Rave: I met a girl worth dating here in Hawaii.

Rant: I don't live in Hawaii anymore.

Crap.

Rapist

01-04-2007, 06:36 PM

This isn't exactly a rant, but it's something that made me incredibly sad.

My youngest brother is in grade 6. I got a call from home today to let me know that one of his friends was killed in an accident the day before yesterday.

She was on the transit bus with a friend, and her mom was across the street waiting for her to get off of the bus. I don't know why it happened, but she ran across the street to see her mom from in front of the bus and was hit by someone in a truck who didn't see her in time. Her mom saw, her friend saw, everyone on the bus saw. She died in her mom's arms on the street, just when the ambulance got there.

They tried to revive her, but she was pronounced dead at the scene.

It's just so sad. Her mom is a single mother and the two of them didn't have a lot besides each other. She lived for her daughter, and her daughter died in her arms, in the middle of a highway, during her Christmas holidays. So sad.