He is the weirdest guy I know [Archive] - Rudius Media Message Board

Lorelei

05-01-2005, 01:45 PM

His name was Jack Frost and he went to my high school in North Carolina. He grew up in Papua New Guinea where his parents were missionaries. If those two things weren't enough to screw him up, he believed that he was an alien.

If anyone stared at him or looked at him a little strangely (which happened often as he had no problem wearing rain boots and hunting apparel to class) he would scream out, "STOP LOOKING AT ME EARTHLING!".

He was finally expelled from school when a teacher found him constructing a hit list with a date on the top which was 2 weeks away. When the principal searched Jack's locker they found a detailed account about how he would kill off about 25 people at our school, but made mention that he would NOT kill my two friends as they would be the king and queen of his "hybrid kingdom".

He would kill off their closest friends first so that he could become part of their inner circle (and thus I would be #2 on the hit list). Apparently a few pages later into his plan he also went into detail about impregnating the "queen" with his alien sperm and starting a hybrid alien race.

He was put into a mental institution for a few months. He now works at the childcare center at his father's church.

CaptCapital

05-02-2005, 01:22 AM

I'm going to stretch "weird" well into the realm of "fucking insane" on this one, but I'm sure it will still fit.

- The name on his birth certificate was Donald, but he would get mad if you called him anything other than 'The REGULATOR' (all caps).

- He (a 150lb, 5'8" white kid) once got into a fist fight with a cop who was arresting him. He ended up throwing the cop's hat over a fence and tackling him, landing them both sprawled out on the hood of a police cruiser. It took 3 cops, mace, nightsticks, and handcuffs to get him into that car.

- Once in the car he screamed, "What are you motherfuckers, blind? I'm fucking white!"

- Got his tiny, 90lb, annorexic girlfriend pregnant and convinced her to guzzle vodka out of a plastic jug until the "problem went away".

- With the same girlfriend, he would flirt with other girls in front of her for no other reason than to make her jealous. When jealous, his girlfriend would completely fucking lose it and attack the other girl. He would watch and laugh. I saw him do this twice and heard about it happening at least 3 more times. In all fairness, this trick was kinda funny.

- He and some of his friends heated butter knives over the stove and burned lines into their forearms. They all have huge scars.

- He got kicked out of school for having a baseball full of heroin in his locker. [we went to the most tea-sippin, white-collar, upper-middle class, white-bred High School imagineable]

- Got his GED and joined the marines (so he could "kill some motherfucking ragheads"), only to be kicked out of boot. This gave me a renewed respect and faith in our armed forces.

And the kids only 18.

ThePyroman

05-02-2005, 08:33 AM

The weirdest guy I have ever met (not counting myself, because personally, I think I'm the biggest weirdo in the world sometimes) is a fraternity brother of mine named Jim, but everyone calls him Bill, because he looks absolutely identical to Bill S. Preston, Esq., from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. Why is he a weirdo? Here's some of the highlights:

- He loves to wear women's underwear, and he tells everyone about it. The first time I met him, he told me within 5 minutes he was wearing his mother's panties, and later showed everyone to prove it. Even on his wedding day he was wearing women's underwear (his wife's);

- He came dressed as Cyndi Lauper for a 80s party we had, and he liked it so much, every party for the next 3 weeks he came dressed as Cyndi Lauper;

- He loved to eat pizza loaded up with gross shit. His favorite was pizza with White Sauce, Goat Cheese, Onions & Olives called a "Greek Pizza";

- He would play nintendo with the controller upside down and win every time. Why??? He says that was the way he played when he was younger because he was left handed, and it just stuck;

- He streaked his own wedding. Enough said;

- He smoked like a motherfucker. He wouldn't smoke all day, then would smoke a pack in the space of 5 minutes, sucking them down like a 12 year old fiend;

- When he would get really drunk, he would continuously speak in latin;

Of course I love the guy, he was one of the few people from College I look foward to hanging out with, but GodDamn he's a weirdo. But then again...

"Everyone is Someone Else's Weirdo. Just as Someone is Your Weirdo, You are Someone Else's Weirdo" ~ Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

the.great.sobek

05-02-2005, 08:51 AM

My roommate last year in college takes the cake. He had a bike which he felt the colors were good enough. So he spray painted the bike silver, green and yellow in an alternating strip pattern across the entire bike(tires included). He like the pattern so much he painted his backpack, baseball hat and jacket the exact same way.

Also he had some weird obsession with dinosaurs. More specifically the Pteranodon, he believed that if practiced enough he could actually perfect the "call" of a Pteranodon and even get one to rise from the dead and become his pet. What this meant is he would feel the need to practice everywhere. So when he was coming back from the cafeteria you could hear him in the elevator about 2 floors away screeching in the elevator.

bpete

05-02-2005, 09:34 AM

I have to nominate someone that I used to work with. One time he offered to buy my soul, said he was getting special treatment from "somone" the more souls he brought to the table. He also, in complete seriousness, told me that he had Jesus behind his living room couch and "I'm not letting the fucker out till he pays me that twenty bucks he owes me". He was funny to work with but honestly I'm kinda relieved that he's not there anymore.

bdublax

05-02-2005, 09:59 AM

When my sister was working toward her degree in Kinesiology, she had to student teach P.E. at the local high school. She had one child who wore the same green jacket everyday. Fall, Winter, Spring, whatever, the kid never took it off. That's not even what made him wierd. The first day of class, she asked the kids to line up in their groups. This particular child sat by himself in the center of the gym, in a pseudo-fetal position. When she asked him to join the rest of the kids, he responded with "you can't talk to me". When asked why he couldn't be spoken to, he replied "because you can't see me". When asked why he couldnt' be seen, he replied "because I'm a hologram". This hologram shit went on the entire time my sister taught him (or tried to teach him). Granted, I never met the kid, but the story alone sends me into fits of laughter whenever she tells it.

DietCokehead

05-02-2005, 11:48 AM

My college roommate from freshman year is up there on my list. Here are but a few of the highlights... from the first month (with the remainder of the school year to look forward to):

- Once his seemingly normal family left (they are distant friends-of-friends with my family, coincidentally), he immediately tore through all of the boxes of stuff he'd brought, maniacally looking for something he couldn't seem to find, periodically breaking down, gasping, near tears. This was because it didn't exist. I never figured out what it was he was looking for, as this incident was never mentioned again.

- However, he did find his stash of pictures of Melissa Joan Hart. This wasn't just any fan-stash. He had, literally, hundreds of pictures of her that he'd torn from magazines he stole from various stores. He promptly covered the entire wall near his desk with these. I would often come into the room to find him sitting Indian-style, staring at this wall. In the dark.

- He carried the stuffed Tigger that his ex-girlfriend had once given him everywhere. It went to class with him, to the dining hall, the library, the gym, and everywhere else. If it was raining, he would tuck Tigger into his messenger bag, remembering to keep Tigger's head out "so he can see." Once hiding Tigger sent this roommate into a rage of violence of a degree I've not seen outside of COPS, involving spent Budweiser cans, a cheating spouse, and bad meth. Tigger mysteriously returned and was never touched again.

- He was a first-year French student, along with his non-descript major. When working late into the night, I was privileged enough to hear his serenade of screaming French at the top of his lungs in his sleep. This happened often, and he never remembered doing it. I even brought in other people to help prove he wasn't faking it. This happened at least once a week, followed by crying in his sleep.

- I would often come back from class to find him, in the middle of a weekday afternoon, sitting in the middle of the room, with no lights on, playing guitar, singing (badly) along to some psuedo-intellectually-preferred indie folk act, sobbing relentlessly, clutching Tigger, and gulping down warm Milwaukee's Best, while dipping. This was just another in the list of habits and activities that we never spoke of.

- He was the rare combination of clean-freak (he 3-4 times a day, at least) with a hatred for actually washing his clothes. He once decided to "see how long [he could] go without washing [his] jeans before they're too much to stand." Despite my regularly soaking said jeans in Lysol, they had to be all but burned after about 3 months. T-shirts usually went a few weeks, and most pants and others shirts went a minimum of a couple months. I know for a fact that there were more than a couple of articles he didn't wash that entire year.

- He spent all of his free time creating new collages of Melissa Joan Hart to use as his PC's wallpaper in Paint. He would make at least 2 or 3 a day. This was on top of his collages of his favorite bands, none of which I, the music junkie, had ever even heard of.

- He claimed to love the aforementioned shitty, indie bands. This was despite the fact that he actually didn't like them much at all. When he thought no one would find out, he actually listened to REM, Dave Matthews, and some classic rock. I was sworn to secrecy when I walked into the room to find him listening to a little CCR.

- His favorite hobby was going to the laundromat with a couple of his high school friends and seeing who could stay inside a drier that was running for the longest. Rather than a stupid human trick type of thing, they took it very seriously. He earned some nasty burns at least once or twice a month.

This list goes on and on, and reading this, it still doesn't capture how goddamned strange this guy was. And, again, this was just the first month. It got weirder from there.

PatBateman

05-02-2005, 12:25 PM

This kid, Kenneth, lived nextdoor to me in the dorms freshman year. Kenneth was your average computer nerd, or so I thought. Kenneth would never eat hot food. Pizza, sandwiches, even soup had to be put in the freezer for at least a half hour. Never explained why he did this even when we questioned him

Kenneth would write himself death threats and sign the bottom with a "K". In red ink. With drawn-in droplets that I guess were supposed to give the illusion that it was written in blood.

Kenneth had a crazy dirtstash. If you mentioned anything about it he would flip out and run out of the building, only to return hours later.

Also, the dirt stash never seemed to grow. Or be shaved. Or be cleaned of fruitpunch stains.

Kenneth drank about a 12 pack of Dr. Pepper a day. Never try to ask him for one.

Lastly, Kenneth would draw the blinds and make sure it was very dark in his room during the day time. A few times my roommate or other kids on the floor had gone in to borrow something and were grabbed by Kenneth while he was covered in a blanket. Grabbed inappropriately. Kenneth explained the events by claiming he was sleep walking. At 3:30 in the afternoon. Good call Kenneth.

He never came back for second semester. I hope he has a lot of children and passes on his wonderful gifts.

Shanks

05-02-2005, 12:35 PM

I have so many possibilities for this, it's hard to decide.

Some honorable mentions include:

Sophomore year in HS Roommate - Went around paying people 5 bucks for their souls, and had them write "___'s soul" on a scrap of paper and give it to them. The kid was poor as hell and never really had any money, but could somehow afford this. He did some other wierd stuff such as sitting up in his sleep and pointing at stuff and yelling at it, then falling back down and continue to sleep, but he wasn't the wierdest of all.

An entire clique of kids at my HS known as the "couchies" (for their tendency to hang out all day by this one group of couches). They were big anime freaks along with D&D and all the typical "nerd" stuff. That's not what necesarily made them weird, but they each had a tendency to do wierd things. One fairly heavy chinese guy wore a dress to school for Halloween, and liked it so much he wore it several more times. The guys and girls basically rotated dating eachother. There were several instances of them being caught in dirty acts, along with instances of their computers being "watched" and nasty roll playing AIM conversations surfacing. The wierdness of this group can't really be fully explained, but the fact that they were a group prevents any one from being singled out.

But the wierdest kid of all was this guy who lived on my floor my senior year in HS. He went by the nickname Wangstrom.

-Wangstrom would continually consume tomato products. He would go through at least a bottle of ketchup every 2-3 days, along with several cans of tomato juice. He'd occasionally have fresh tomatos, but he was too dirty to keep fresh food around his room.

-One day, while a friend was in the floor lounge fiddling around with an old motherboard, Wangstrom came up and asked to see it. The friend said hold on, I'm messing with it. Wangstrom took out a screwdriver and stabbed the motherboard really hard, and somehow the screwdriver slid off and scraped my friends hand. He, who was the nicest guy in the world, proceeded to scream at him for a few minutes until Wangstom retreated to his room. He came out 5-10 minutes later with bloody arms and said "I'm sorry for cutting you, so I cut myself"

-Wangstrom also was in a friend of mine's math class, and every week he would talk about how he was going to get some action that week. He'd say he met some girl (usually he said he met them online), and that they were going out that weekend. He said it was a "guaranteed blowjob". Every monday, when asked how the blowjob was, he would respond that "the girl's definition of 'guaranteed' is different from his".

-Whenever we would knock on his door to "borrow" soda/food, he would come to the door with his blanket wrapped around his torso, shirt on but obviously no pants, and very annoyed. Without fail though, every time he would give us soda and food, and always answer the door. He didn't drink soda (only tomato juice), but would always buy at least 3 cases a week just to give to us. One time he came in with a push card and 9 cases of soda.

-He once told us how he was driving home with his parents and along the highway saw this big tube of some sorts. He had his parents drop him off on the side of the road and proceeded to drag this giant tube (some sort of construction material, I assume) around 9 miles home for no apparent reason.

The Guitarist

05-02-2005, 12:36 PM

Don, I used to work with him at a bleacher manufacturer.

He lives with his Grandparents. He talks like Mr. Mackey from South Park(Mmmm-kay...).
This story is from my dad, who also works at the bleacher place.

One day, Don comes into work and asks Rex, the shop supervisor, what he should do if he got bitten by a dog. Rex, thinking nothing of it, tells him that he should just go wash up and put a bandage on it. Then, Rex looks at the bite. Don's pant leg is soaked with blood and a flap of skin 5 inches long and 2 inches wide is hanging open, gushing blood.

Turns out, Don took in a neighborhood Pit Bull because it always wandered the streets, and he felt bad for it. One morning, while trying to get the dog into its cage, it turned on him and bit him in the leg. He went to wake his brother up, who also lives with their grandparents, but he wouldn't get out of bed for him. Don is also big into chat rooms and other Internet-geekish things.

Also, Don likes to throw his anti-spatter-soaked paper towels on the floor under his welding jig. So, two or three times a week, Don can be seen doing the "Paper Towel Fire Dance" in his weld booth.

Ashtaroth

05-02-2005, 01:00 PM

Five years ago, Rory transferred to my HS. We became good friends and He was a pretty decent guy - a little strange, but he was nice enough. The more i got to know him though, the stranger he got.

At first it was little things, he would continously pretend he was a cat, meowing at every possible moment. This included rubbing his head against people to "mark his territory". His binder, and his bedroom were both covered in pictures of Tigers.

To say hello to people, he'd repetedly poke their forehead with his index finger and say "hi" in a baby voice. Over. and Over. and Over.

This is where it gets weird.

Rory was about average guy size, about 5'9 or so. His sister Rachel was a little taller then Rory, and she weighed about 400lbs. Apparently they were close.

Now, Rory used to babysit for my boss's children. Until one night, after Rory had babysat, my boss found her computer totally infested with porn. Not belladonna or jenna porn though - no, it was incest porn. She found websites detailing father-son relationships, and brother-sister relationships. Rory didnt even try to delete his history!!

She never asked him to babysit again.

However, a few weeks later his sister Rachel was babysitting, and when my boss got home and Rory was "visiting" his sister. My boss walked in, and Rachel pulled down her shirt super fast, and said "oooh its hot in here".

Both she and Rory had bright red faces, and left right away.

My boss isnt friends with their family anymore.

I still talk to Rory now and again, but every time i see his sister, i get very creeped out. The mental image of Rory's hand carassing her 400lb rolls just makes me want to puke.

abbalish

05-02-2005, 01:04 PM

The first that comes to mind is a dude named Michael Skwara, who was in homeroom with me throughout junior high. He wore a cowboy hat, sported a Hitler-esque mustache, frequently dressed in grey sweatpants, and always wore a red bandanna tied around his neck. He was in my gym class one year, and he kept the bandanna on during gym as well.

He didn't speak very much, but when he did, it was in a high-pitched twangy drawl (odd, because we lived in eastern Pennsylvania). In three years, the only words he ever spoke to me were as follows: completely unsolicited, as I walked into homeroom, he said, "Did you know that gum is horses' hooves that were rejected from the glue factory?"

Fatt Queer

05-02-2005, 01:18 PM

The first was a camp counselor I met when I was about thirteen years old. He was a fat fucker who none of the other counselors liked, and in retrospect, I can certainly see why. He was convinced that not only were there extraterrestrials on earth, but they had disguised themselves as humans and were living among us. According to him, the government has been in engaging in a heinous plot since Roswell to keep these aliens in hiding a secret until they have enough information about our culture to take us all over by surprise.

The other was a guy I worked with at Target. He was Latino of some sort and mostly kept to himself, except for one night when he and I were working side by side putting some items on the shelves. While we were working we somehow got on the topic of out of body experiences. I normally don't talk about new age trash, but he was telling me all about his spiritual awakenings he'd been having while roaming the astral plane. I was genuinely intrgued and completely entertained. He was arrested a month later because he got caught in an elaborate scheme he'd set up to steal thousands of dollars from our store. He's been in jail ever since. I hope that astral shit still works out for him. I'd certainly rather be anywhere other than in my body when being pounded in the ass.

Southern Girl

05-02-2005, 01:50 PM

I know a guy who thinks he is Tim McGraw and a cowboy. This would be cute if he was 5 but he is 30. He watches Tim Mcgraw videos and imittaes him like is he studying for an acting role. He also insists he cant be "tamed" you know with being a cowboy and all. Whats even worse (or more sad?) he lives with his parents who think this is a passng stage he is going through.

jimbeau41

05-02-2005, 02:10 PM

My junior year roommate.

-He had a habit of using an entire roll of toilet paper in a day. After a few weeks, my other roommate and I started buying our own supply. He would buy a four-pack on Monday and be out Thursday night. Friday through Sunday he either use a wash cloth (storing it under the sink for later re-use) or get in the shower.

-When trying to pick up women at parties (in theory), he would give fake names. He claimed it was safer for them not to know his real name. What ever the fuck that means.

-He was a compulsive neat-freak (which explains the excessive use of TP, but not keeping and re-using a rag covered in his own shit). His showers lasted at least 45 minutes, with a 30 minute pre-shower shave. He cleaned his room for at least a few hours a day. Went nuts if you went in his room and left footprints in the carpet.

-Obsessed with white. Scrubbed his 20 pairs of white shoes after each use. Used teeth whiteners religiously. Drove a white car with white rims and white leather interior. Usually wore white shirts but would sometimes switch it up with white khakis and a dark shirt.

-I came home early from work one night and found him sitting in the dark in front of my other roommate’s door. Yup, smackin’ the pud while listening to my roommate have sex with some slut he met that night.

Lots of other weird things too.

haploid

05-02-2005, 02:46 PM

...would continually consume tomato products. He would go through at least a bottle of ketchup every 2-3 days, along with several cans of tomato juice. He'd occasionally have fresh tomatos, but he was too dirty to keep fresh food around his room.

Something about tomato products and batshit-level insanity:

I only knew this guy for 2 weeks, but due to irrelevant circumstances that forced me into living with him 24/7, this was time enough to land him the coveted #1 spot in my list of crazies.

o He only ate tomato soup. No meat, no bread, no fruit, no candy. The only thing I ever saw this guy consume in 16 days was campbell's tomato soup. Always with tap water, always on the stove. While he cooked it, he stirred it and stared at it with a level of concentration that would put a deaf autist to shame.

o He continually made strange, guttural, random noises all the time, even during sleep. Any sound not recognizeable as a form of human communication but nonetheless capable of being produced by the vocal cords came out of this guy's mouth.

o He never actually talked much. When he did, it was usually something completely cryptic or nonsensical, such as "ARGUABLY THE NORDBERGS ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE TRANSFERRANCE OF THE DEAD DOLPHINS".

o He would sometimes, also at random, fall into a coma-like state during which he stared straight ahead with his eyes WIDE open, without moving. This would last for 10-20 minutes. When it ended, he would continue doing whatever it was he was doing when it started, as if nothing had happened at all.

o The way he read was absolutely bizzare. He would place a stack of 8-10 books beside himself. He would begin reading one, then after about 4 minutes he would bookmark his place, and pick up the next. The cycle would repeat itself. It wasn't as if he was referencing other works; most of the books had NOTHING to do with each other. One of them was Mein Kampf.

metalchick

05-02-2005, 03:04 PM

Date Post (http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?p=76587#post76587)

Above I posted an email from this guy that I met a few weeks ago. He certainly takes the cake for being the weirdest guy I know. He's also writing a science fiction novel. After weeks of peaceful silence, I just received this email from him...

Yeah
I notice you do tend to like your personal space. Nothing wrong with
that, just had to ask, I give all my female friends hugs all the time,
nothing big or fancy, just love hugs since, well since they feel soooo
good. I cleared up my Wednesday, just going to walk around naked and
enjoy the fresh air in austin, I usually get undressed wednesday morning
and and spend all day that way casually doing laundry, washing my car,
and detoxing. Might sound twisted or perverted to other people, but
nothing perverted about it. I could probably be torn away from cleaning
in the buff and forced to go do something that requires clothing, but at
least have to do laundry. Don't worry I wouldn't dare walk around nude
in front of you or anything as it would probably really bother you, but
I usually am done and can get dressed around 3 or 4 on Wednesday, if you
want to do something sooner or someting I can do all that naked cleaning
stuff a lot faster and be dressed and ready to go probably around noon.
I told you before I walk around nude all the time I think, but now
that its summer I am doing it more often and wish I could do it outsite,
but neighbors , sunburn.. jail.. not a good idea :) hehehe

Ok seriousloy though if you want to do something Wednesday let me know.
I have lots of ideas but really depends on you and how much time
there is available.

BrotherNumberOne

05-02-2005, 03:28 PM

I'll never forget AJ.
This guy worked in my office for about 2 months & seemed perfectly normal until I discovered a few things about him:

-AJ would never be alone in the office, even for 30 seconds, because he believed our building was haunted & he was being specifically targeted by "the demons". He said as long as someone else was there, they couldn't get to him.
-AJ often talked in a low voice to himself. He ended up being fired for punching a coworker who sat in the cubicle in front of him in the back of the head. AJ said he was talking shit, it turned out it was a voice in AJ's head that was, in fact, doing the shit talking.
-AJ believed that P. Diddy, Biggie Smalls and few other rappers has bugged his room and were continuoulsy stealing his rhymes. AJ insisted, openly and on several occasions, that the song we were hearing on the radio was written by him 6 months ago. This guy was dead serious and didn't see anything strange about discussing this with coworkers.

Cus

05-02-2005, 04:45 PM

The weirdest person I have ever met, lived across the hall from me my sophomore year. His name was Seth Porges (I can use his full name, because he'd want it that way). Some of his exploits included:

-He was good friends with Wesley Willis. Don't believe me? He appeared several times with large forehead bruises from Wesley's infamous head-butts, and Wesley even wrote a song about him - appropriately titled 'Seth Porges.' (http://www.hitsquick.com/music/cdx/789803)

-Through a strange series of events, he became good friends with Andrew W.K. and still hung out with him when we last spoke.

-He made an entire lp on his dorm-room computer that consisted of playing an instrument that was an antenna that made high-pitched noises when he moved his hands around it.

-He borrowed a guitar from me and accidentally broke of the part of the head where the bottom two strings were supposed to attach. So, he became a master at playing the 4-string guitar.

-There are a multitude of other stories, but I wouldn't know where to begin.

Seth was weird, but he was also one of the funniest, most real people I've ever met. Apparently he is now an active part of the ultra-liberal wing of the media, which only confirms my previous suspicions of weirdness.

I'd highly recommend googling the kid, he's got some great stuff floating around out there.

Shock

05-02-2005, 04:47 PM

There's a guy who hangs around a bar around here who's a bit different. He's actually a pretty nice guy and funny in a way, but he's easily one of the strangest people I've ever been exposed to.

-He has some sort of muscle disease and looks like a fucking scarecrow. Starving Ethiopian kids would give him their last crust of bread out of pity. Everyone who meets him automatically assumes it's AIDs or the worst case of being strung out ever, but it's actually some deal he's had since birth. Unknown muscular myopathy or some shit. The expressions you'll see on girls' faces when they turns to find that he's waddled over to say hi are incredible. The looks of disgust this man has gotten from superficial sorority girls who can't stand to be seen near someone who's not physically attractive are priceless. At first I felt bad, but now I suspect he does it because he's okay with his appearance and likes to fuck with them.

-His condition doesn't stop him from getting absolutely ripped at least 5 nights a week. He has the constitution of wet paper towel, but he'll sit there pounding down shots of Jager and beers for hours on end until he inevitably cannot walk, talk or stand up.

-In addition, he has the most impressive array of drugs I've ever seen. For someone with such a severe medical condition, the man operates under the duress of some of the most potent, outlandish cocktails of illegal substances known to man. He's got balls about it, too. I've watched him toke up on the patio of a bar(it's always the same bar) while cops and liquor board raided the place just a few yards away. He justified it by saying there were far too many people for anyone to focus in on him, and if they did what could they do? He's a cripple.

-After he can no longer walk or talk and needs to go home, he'll crawl to this little scooter he keeps parked at a bike rack and motor home. Only apparently he tricked this scooter out. One second he's a bag of brittle bones, stretched skin and toxins barely able to hold himself upright againt the wall, and the next he's a screaming, cursing toboggan of death wailing down the sidewalk and crossing through traffic at 35 miles an hour. When he's short on money for the bar, he lets the other patrons take rides on it in exchange for free drinks.

-He routinely cracks his head open after falling down when drunk. Due to the instability and lack of strength in his legs coupled with the severe intake of substances, this is a routine. He'll start gushing blood and go to the hospital, or if he's feeling a little better will motor on home and have his brother stitch him up. I'd bet he takes a drunk ambulance ride once a month or so though.

-He's currently awaiting trial for a drug offense. He got busted when a cop pulled over to help him pull his scooter upright and out of the mud when he'd crashed it on the way home. While helping him out of the mud and getting his scooter back on the sidewalk, the cop apparently noticed just how fucked up he was. Then he noticed the baggy on the ground. He took it in stride, noting that he was lucky it was just weed and they never did find the acid he had stashed in one of the scooter's compartments.

-He's a professor. At a college. A big one.

chilehead

05-02-2005, 05:30 PM

Bosses wife – complete paranoid, tinfoil hat wearing, Illuminati believing, One World Government takeover whack-job.

Background – I’m in Michigan waiting for him to arrive to do a network install and he’s in Palm Springs attending a going away party for one of the company’s officers. He doesn’t show for a day or so of our scheduled meeting time and I get this disjointed call. “Hey, I’m going to be a day late, I’ll explain when I get there.” I’m ok with this and sit around for the next afternoon and evening getting shitfaced on the company’s dime. Funny story to ensue and free beer for the next day, no problem for me.

He arrives on Sunday afternoon and we promptly head to a sports bar to watch some hockey because it was playoff time and he was a huge fan. After a couple of 22oz beers he begins to spill his tale and when the stories were good he would always start with “Ok…now this cannot leave the bar.” This time was no exception.

He proceeds to tell me how he could not get in touch with his wife (they lived in the Midwest) for a couple of days while he was in Palm Springs. Finally he gets a call, looks at the caller ID and after he answers, realizes it’s his wife and she’s in Phoenix. “Huh? What? Ok, I’ll be there in a couple of hours”.

His wife is a stay at home parent and loves to surf the internet all the live long day while he’s at work and the kids are in school. She has repeatedly told him that she has “seen web pages disappear before my eyes”. In order to corroborate her story she had begun amassing a stockpile of web pages she had printed. Then, Columbine happened.

My boss told me how, from the research she had done, she was convinced the two boys were just patsies who the government was using to initiate gun control in the US. In order to do her country service she had sent several letters to government officials detailing the results of her research. She then heard on TV that the FBI was subpoenaing the email records from AOL to get further information regarding the background leading to the shootings at the school. 2 + 2 + paranoia = The FBI is going to kill me.

While her husband is in California, she has her oldest son dismantle the PC she uses to surf the net, piece by piece and load it into the car. She then awakens the other children in the middle of the night and packs them along with the dismantled PC and nine boxes of printed material into their van and begins to drive west. She makes it the first night to some small town in Kansas, puts the kids to bed in their motel, then proceeds to drive to a remote part of town, put the boxes of paper into a dumpster and set in on fire. The next day she drives to Arizona and calls my boss.

He obviously is both concerned and furious that she would take the children in the middle of the night during the school year, load them into a van and drive to Phoenix. He instructed her to put them on a plane and he would meet them back in “Midwest Town” and that she was to drive the van back. She replied, “Fine, but I’ll be dead by the time you land.” Result? Boss flies to Phoenix and they spend the next two days getting back to the Midwest.

Ruppert

05-02-2005, 07:17 PM

I went to high school with a guy named Frank. He was double jointed in every joint and could do some really nasty contortions. A group of us went to Lollapalooza in 1991 and Frank got offered a job by Jim Rose. He accepted and was on his way to being a carny but the other freaks did not like him and Rose fired him about 1 hour later. Frank turned goth later in high school and never grew out of it. He now does this for a living:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/writePage.cfm?bandid=149772&bandnamesave=thedixieflatline

Yes, that is really someone I know.

Delirious

05-02-2005, 07:46 PM

Kenneth. That's his real name, but everyone calls him the Dungeon Master. He is fat and short. He wears sleeveless tees to show off his beautiful armpit hair. It really makes for a nice complement to his pasty and chubby arms. He runs everywhere instead of walking, and keeps his bike helmet on all day. Best of all? He has a neck beard.

If he doesn't like you, he'll probably charge you, but not before scraping his right foot on the ground a few times.

T-Bone

05-02-2005, 07:51 PM

Gas sniffing is a huge problem on reserves, especially far north. Kids get onto it because its an easily accessibile high. Problem is that you can't treat it like other addictions commonly found in those age groups, because stopping cold turkey can stop their heart. So if you're driving through the tundra for whatever reason and see 5 kids on the side of the road, don't give them a smoke.

FOCUS: Hughie James, the self proclaimed anti-christ. Understand I come from a town of 8000 people. According to my old man Hughie was a normal cat, good ball player, all around unremarkable kid untill he took a trip to Los Angeles when he was 19ish for tournament of some sort. Figure he got into some bad chemicals and never recovered. Now he rides a 10 speed to a motel to mow lawns and pick up dimes for a living. Stands up in a Catholic church filled with 2000 people and proclaims that he is the Antichrist and they have no power over him. Storms into a local video store and demands all the money they ever made renting the Rambo movies, because Stallone stole the script from him.

Then one day my grade 11 law class takes a trip to the local courthouse. Our amazing luck saw Hughie come up on an assault charge. Lives with his equally unstable common law wife Darlene. Seems she was beating the living shit out of him over nothing in particular and he grabbed her wrists. He squeezed too hard and she called the cops. So the judge opens the case, domestic assault or whatever, and asks the prosecutor to identify the witness. The prosecutor says she, Darlene, hasn't arrived yet. Hughie jumps up and informs us all, with all the composure of a colicy crack baby, that Darlene has a headache and didn't want to come in for the trial (of which she was the only witness). So the judge sends a sheriff to pick her up from the trailer park a few km away. Recess. So Darlene arrives, big kiss for hughie, and he sits at the prosecutor's bench with her. After that the whole thing got really, really surreal with them being threatened with contempt for making out in his trial for assaulting her. Man I miss my hometown...

CaptDipshit

05-02-2005, 07:54 PM

I have known a guy since first grade, and he has done the following to evidence his weirdness/insanity:

- When we were kids, and everyone wanted to play GI Joe, Transformers, or the like, he wanted to play "Vietnam." In fact, he never stopped playing Vietnam all the way through about 7th grade. He would hit the deck and yell "Incoming!" or "Charlie!" at inappropriate times and would hide in the bushes in full camo and a BB gun shooting at us while we were running at track practice. His Vietnam obsession continued through high school, and when he would drink, he would sometimes talk about his own experiences in Vietnam. For reference, he is currently 27.

- He told graphic stories (which were 100% made-up) about going to Peoria to solicit hookers. I have heard of guys lying about hooking up with a girl, but he felt it necessary to lie that he paid for sex.

- He was obsessed with Steely Dan and Supertramp. In the mid-'90's. And he was obsessed "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald," both the song and the actual event. He even tried to get us to watch a videotape documentary about it when we were at his house drinking one time.

- He once asked a group of my friends (both male and female, including a girl I was dating who broke up with me within a week) whether, hypothetically, if you worked in a morgue and a really hot girl came in without a scratch on her..... etc.

There are others too....

Shock

05-02-2005, 08:41 PM

There was a kid who lived across the street from me who was real peculiar. Maybe not in the league of the Skeletor professor I posted about above, but he was pretty fucking odd.

I used to see him running up and down the street by himself with his back completely parallel to the ground and his head staring at his feet. His body was at almost a perfect right angle until he'd inevitably trip on his shoelaces and face plant. When you'd ask why he ran like that, he'd say it was because he was trying to make himself aerodynamic and run faster.

He was the only boy in a family of 5 kids and didn't have much for friends, so sometimes my folks would make me wander over and play with him. I'd routinely walk in on him playing Barbie with his older sisters. They dressed him up sometimes, too. As I was walking home from the school bus one day, I happened upon him skipping up and down the street on a hobby horse wearing one of his sisters' pink dress and a white with blue rhinestone cowboy hat. His sisters chased after him in tow, laughing and giggling at his expense. For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure he was laughing and yelling too. His dad, a retired Navy officer, was scowling at the front door and obviously ashamed.

In yet another instance, I remember him mowing the front lawn when we were teenagers. In the middle of the summer, he was dressed in full jungle camouflage fatigues he must have got from a surplus store. He had a system for mowing. He'd do one straight, horizontal line across the grass, pause, wheel and reposition himself to mow the next line down. Then he'd yell out in his best, loudest R. Lee Ermey cadence to no one in particular, "I'M GONNA MOW THE LAWN TO-DAY!" and cut another row. This went on with automaton precision for about an hour.

I lost track of him after that because he was a tool, but my mom recently talked to his parents.

He's going to law school in the fall.

acrodizer

05-02-2005, 09:30 PM

A college friend who worked on a farm back in Oregon used to always tell the women we know how awful they were for having sex and hooking up all the time, he would bring out his bible and try to read to them.

At the same time he was regularly having sex with sheep, and telling us about it.

KellieKat07

05-02-2005, 09:55 PM

My roommate from freshman year is the weirdest person I have ever met. She was an art student who was in love with animals. She drew many pictures of horses and sheep with human genitalia. She designed her own Jedi outfit. She only showered every 3 weeks. She slept on the hard floor because she claimed her bed had bad vibes. She never used the refrigerator because she said she never grew up with one. One night I was woken up to the six foot freak drawing me in my sleep. After that episode I moved out spring semester.

PeteWitt54

05-02-2005, 10:02 PM

My roommate sophomore year in college is a pretty normal guy and one of my best friends to this day but he has some quirks, the best one being his love of urinating anywhere but in a bathroom. He used to walk to the end of our hallway in the dorm and either pee in the trash can or just on the floor around it. Or when I wasn't in the room he used to just pee out the dorm window. Senior year, he had a house and he used to routinely pee in the registers of his house, or walk 10 steps to pee outside rather than walking 5 to go in the bathroom. I also witnessed him let loose in the parking lot of an applebee's and various other public places. The kid just loves to mark his territory I guess.

garbanzobean

05-02-2005, 10:21 PM

This guy:

http://www.thecampusministry.org/

I used to live around Evansville, the home town of ol' Brother Jim. His family owns a bicycle shop there to this day. He is an odd duck, but don't take my word for it. Read http://www.thecampusministry.org/testimony.htm and decide for yourself.

Now he visits campuses around the United States and screams fire and brimstone at anyone lucky enough to get within 50 feet of him. The first time I read Tucker's UT Weekend story, I immediately thought of weird ol' Brother Jim from Evansville. A few weeks later, he showed up on campus at the college I was attending.

perdue

05-02-2005, 10:25 PM

This guy is still a good friend of mine for obvious reasons. We lived in north San Antonio and like all Texas teenagers when we got drunk we did out in the woods, and around a raging bonfire. This guy would get spectacularly drunk, take off all his clothes and attempt to fire walk. Due to the size the fires at these parties got he usually had to jump through the flames. He would then pass out in the back of someones truck, still naked. This guy also had the largest collection of firearms I have ever seen, I'm from Texas and in the military, I have a good frame of reference. He also did this thing called cowboy shoot, where people dress up in old west clothing and antique firearms and have really strange marksmenship contest. Oh yeah, he would also tell his little sister to show off her boobs with alarming frequency (in his defence, they were really nice tits).

discount

05-02-2005, 10:42 PM

-He made an entire lp on his dorm-room computer that consisted of playing an instrument that was an antenna that made high-pitched noises when he moved his hands around it.

It's called a Theremin, the beach boys used it in the song good vibrations. Very fucked up, but on the plus side, you can make one yourself (http://www.oldtemecula.com/theremin/ultimate2b/index.htm) and scare the neighbors.

Focus: I had a friend we called nash. Senior year in highschool he skipped all his classes to go to the gym and lift weights and work out. Strangly enough he isn't a big guy either, he's really into karate, and wants the whole 'bruce lee' look. Last august he actually went up to alaska and lived homeless on a mountain for two months, doing nothing but karate the whole time. He tried to get on a king crab fishing boat up there, but the boats were full.

This august he is going to china and enrolling in a martial arts university.

That or joining cirque de soleil. (http://www.cirquedesoleil.com)

edit: He can also stretch way too much

zalbarran

05-03-2005, 01:31 AM

Not many of my friends are on this board but if they were they would vote me.

Drinking lots over the years, have let my inner crazedness , weirdness, and isanity out .

Friday night I gave a toast to ten of my friend doing shots to the part in Empire Strikes Back, when Darth Vader invites his enemies to sit down with him to dinner at Lando's Base in the sky. Then I acted out how Han tried to shoot Vader and he blocked the shot with his hand. I not even a big fan of this movie, but the room at the bar Solstice reminded me of it.

Its little shit like this that comes out, when I get hammered that nponelse has a clue what I'm talking about, or why Im laughing hysterically to myself about it.

Another case in point if anyone saw Conan O'brien a few months ago when Bruce Willis did his new patented look, "The Grimace," that I find funny copying in pictures on my website.

The Grimace (http://www.chicagobombsquad.com/pictures/pics16/w043005/pages/IMG_1033_jpg.htm)

What the hell am I talking about? Trust me, my mind is gone, I'm am the weirdest person you'd ever meet, if you met me.

RuluSmoo

05-03-2005, 02:53 AM

This one guy I worked with a long time ago.

- He was 35+ years old and did not have a driver's license. There was nothing wrong with him physically and as far as academics goes, he had diplomas. He just never wanted to learn and take the test.

- One day he missed his ride and I took him home. He forgot his address and how to get to his place, so we had to call his house. Not only did he forget where he lived, but he also lived with his mother. Not living in his place and taking care of his mother, but living with his mother who still took care of him.

- He honestly believed that he was a dragon in hiding that needed to help put the dragon empire back in order so that there would be world peace. Apparently there was some insane dragon cult a few years ago, because I actualy ran into the guy who said he was the prince of this - an online dating horror story.

- He really believed that vampires exhisted and said that JRR Tolkien's books were an actual documentation of our history*.

- He yelled at me in absolute anger and louder then a train whistle all because I crushed a cockroach with my shoe.

He was crazy, but the guy was a good worker. I don't know how he could do his job and remember it when he was so weird outside our building.

*Not in metaphor, but as in we used to have elves and orcs.

~Rulu~

knyghtmaReality

05-03-2005, 03:35 AM

Back in about 98' One of my friends kinda lost it. He had a bad experience on some liquid sunshine that fucked him up for like 2 years. He still has his bad days, but is back to his old self 95% of the time. I've partied pretty hard on just about any illeagal drug you can name with this kid, so for the record, he was known to be able to handle some pretty intense shit. That being said, just 2 hits did him in, and nearly for good.

You see, just a few years ago, it was much easier to find acid. (in illinois at least) These hits came around that my friends and I had nicknamed "the cajuns", because they made your tounge burn, unlike any other blotters we'd ever seen. At any rate, these hits were REALLY fucking good... but apparrently some of them were incredibly waaaaay to fucking good. It was 2 of the latter that my friend, "deaner", ate. I was not with him the night he flipped. I didn't see him for about 3 weeks afterward, but had heard from friends he went bonkers and had to go to a mental ward.

When I eventually did run into him again, I offered him a ride home, as he was skating and it was starting to rain. I had dyed my hair blue not less than 2 hours prior. (I was like 17, fuck you.) He got in my car and exclaimed "I knew your hair would be blue!". He then started to explain how he could see the future, but his brain was too full, so he couldn't stop them. this made no sense, but was terribly intrigueing, so I inquired as to who "they" were. Apparrently, "they" were my dealer, this fuck named Eli, Rob Zombie, Phil Anselmo, (of Pantera... and you're a taintlicking fairy if you didn't know that) and Ozzy Osbourne.

You see, Deaner had somehow written all of thier music. They were stealing it from his brain while he was asleep. The fact that the only instrument dean had ever been able to play was the radio, coupled with the fact that some of these songs were written long before deaner was born, meant nothing. These were easily disproven by the fact that the static ball he bought at Spencer's exploded when he touched it, thus proving that he is Jesus. One of the notorious "they" was the devil himself... or herself... cuz he kept changing it from my dealer to Ozzy. What's a contradiction when you're Jesus, anyways?
(that's the condensed version, from what I remember)

Deaner kinda turned recluse for a while. I guess he started stalking some chick he used to work with. A restraining order later, his parents decided it would be wisest if they kept him indoors for a spell. I rarely saw him for the newt year and a half. One day he snapped out of it, but still would "flashback" every couple of days. This started occouring more and more infrequently, and from what I hear he's, for all intents and purposes, normal again.

That's just one of the many strange cats that the life I lead has exposed me to. So just remember: Don't do drugs. Give them to me instead, I'm a "highly" trained professional.

defyitall

05-03-2005, 06:47 PM

Kid I know named Andrew. First time I met him we were at a karaoke bar and he tucked his leg into his pants so it looked like he was an amputee and sang a David Bowie song like that. Then he spent the rest of the night pretending to be passed out on the floor behind the singers.

When he met my friend Bill, in a quiet art class, in the midst of the silence screamed, fell to the floor, yelled out, "Now young Skywalker, you will die!!" in a spot-on Iam McDiarmid impression and crawled out of the room.

ontherun

05-03-2005, 09:03 PM

First there is Joe (crazy Middle Eastern name shortened to Joe.) Joe seemed ok at first, maybe a little off. It seemed reasonable to be to lazy to put sheets on and just sleep on the mattress fully clothed in ski gear, in Florida. But after a month it starts to seem off. Cooking a combination of curry, tater tots, and miracle whip 6-10 times a day making the place smell like shit, not cool but ok. Making screensavers of pictures of me while I’m sleeping, crossing the line of appropriate behavior. From there it got worse and really creepy, forcing me to sleep in the bathroom when home, all ending with me kicking him in the face and then him disappearing never to be seen again leaving us to throw all his shit out after our building flooded.

then there was JC, gay, croseyed, and from Peru. no need to elaborate realy.

Caramon

05-04-2005, 01:14 AM

The weirdest person I have ever met was my roommate Ted from my early college days. He had an extremely sick sense of humor and he hated animals. Also, he loved weapons. His room was jam-packed with guns, bows, knives, etc.

-Since Ted hates animals, he used to put our other roommate's cat into the dryer and let it "tumble" a few times for laughs. Another time, he wanted to show me something "funny." When he got my attention, he proceeded to lift the cat up off the ground by its balls.

-Ted, my cousin and I were in a car and we happened upon a bad accident. It had just occurred and no police or paramedics had arrived yet. I noticed that a lady was ejected from a vehicle and was laying face-first in the ditch. Ted noticed too and laughs so hard that he's red in the face and barely breathing. In between laughing and gasping for air, he was saying, "she's dead! She's fucking dead!" He continued to laugh about this for 10 minutes. My cousin was horrified.

-Since Ted loved weapons, we went shopping one day and he bought 2 knives and a crossbow. While I was driving, he started assembling his new crossbow. I pulled up to a Wendy's drive-thru to get some food. Ted already had the passenger window down and while I was ordering, he picked up the crossbow, took aim and fired upon a flock of pigeons in the parking lot. I drove out of the parking lot as quickly as I could while Ted was looking back and shouting, "I got him! I got him! HAHAHHAA!! He's fuckin dead!"

Ted dropped out of college and joined the military. He also married and has a child now. I wonder how his kid will turn out..

Manc Lass

05-04-2005, 05:03 AM

I've worked with a few strange people in my time but there's one conversation that I remenber having with a guy called Simon and its still freaky now.
Me: Hey, did you hear about that guy that got arrested from round here for having sex with a ten year old boy? Its a fucking disgrace.
Simon: Yeah, ten is a bit young
Me: .......
And we worked in creche
Apparently he's now married to another freak we used to work with who had webbed toes.

Taidje Khan

06-11-2005, 02:32 PM

There was a kid I went to High School with named Jerry Garcia, which was funny in it's own right because of how intensely he hated the Grateful Dead. Anyway:

Jerry was on the wrestling team, and was actually really good, (he won a state championship or two) and he used this to scare people. He was fond of threatening people with these gems: "Do you know that I'm strong enough to literally squeeze the poop out of you?" or sometimes, "I'll bend your arm so hard, you'll be able to see God." or perhaps, "I will kill you so hard, that Satan himself will not touch your soul."

He had roughly two dozen hour-long videos of himself staring at the camera. Not doing anything, just staring. Apparently he would set the camera up, stare at it for an hour, and then stop recording. And not only did he record them, he would watch them semi-regularly. He would get legitimately hurt if you refused to watch them with him.

He also had a video of him laughing hysterically and pounding sand. No shit, he heard the phrase "go pound sand" and thought it was hilarious, so he made a video of himself punching some sand. Additionally, he stopped about midway through the video, still laughing, and says, "everybody's a winner!" and then went back to hitting the sand. The funniest part was that he actually hurt his hand pretty bad doing this.

Yet another video he made was when he was ten years old, where he went out in his backyard with his little brother (the cameraman) and pooped on the end of a 2x4 and made a poop catapult with it, and actually catapulted his turd into the side of his own house. We watched this video with him often, because it was hilarious, especially when the turd exploded all over the wall, and he turned to the camera and pumped his fist with a look of pure triumph on his face. That facial expression cannot be described by words, it was like he'd just won an epic battle or something.

In addition to his home video collection, he would also nail balogna to his wall. Literally, he'd get a hammer, and some nails, and a pack of balogna, and just nail several slices to his wall. when we asked him what the hell he was doing, he'd shush us and say, "You wouldn't understand, but trust me, it's important."

He once called my house at midnight on a school night, telling my mom that it was an emergency, and that he needed to talk to "Douglas McCheese" immediately. My mom told him she didn't know what he was talking about, so he yelled into the reciever: "That's the fucking password! (Taidje Khan) said that if I told you the password, you'd have sex with me and my little brother! Well I said it, Douglas McCheese! when do you want to do it?" My mom was not amused. strangely enough, Jerry wasn't at school for the next two weeks after that.

Last but not least, He owned ten stereo systems and would invite us over, and all ten would be playing a different CD when we got there, often at unreasonable volumes. Oh, and he was wearing ten different shirts, including one wrapped around his head.

It should be noted that I never, ever saw this kid's parents. you could tell they lived there, but they were never around, and I was at his house often enough for this absense to be really strange. Needless to say, me and my friends hung out with this kid often because, if nothing else, he was always good for a laugh, and he never did anything that seemed overtly dangerous.

$1.25

06-11-2005, 10:47 PM

I went to art camp/academy when I was younger. Interlochen. When I was about 13 I was bunkmates with Nadia Bjorlin (now on Days of Our Lives) and had a girl in my cabin I will call Susie. (Ben Foster was also in our age division, now on 6 feet under...to go for the name dropping medal.)

Susie drew pictures of Jim Morrison and kept them under her mattress. She thought that she was Jim Morrison's love child. She had a complex mathematical theory and formula to explain why he had come back alive and waiting to snatch her up and take her with him into the forest.

She also insisted that she flew on a broomstick in her sleep. NONE OF THIS WAS SARCASM OR JOKING. THIS WAS HER HONEST 12 YEAR OLD BELIEF.

She also refused to shave her legs (not too abnormal for a 13 year old) but frequently went around without her top on. And at 13 she was fully developed. The year before she was chastized by the head of the camp after they found her in the back of the cabin with the lights out in a circle with her cabinmates. They were all topless and holding hands. Apparently she had convinced them to have a topless seance. (sp?)

(The cabin counselor missed it because it was "Alternative Anne" who spent her time as a counselor experimenting with drugs and having orgies with the other counselors...according to her diary.)

God bless my time at art camp. And god bless Jesse Austin, for convincing me, at least until I was 15, that LSD was the only way to tap into your inner visual abstract artist.

networks-r-us

06-12-2005, 03:08 AM

While her husband is in California, she has her oldest son dismantle the PC she uses to surf the net, piece by piece and load it into the car. She then awakens the other children in the middle of the night and packs them along with the dismantled PC and nine boxes of printed material into their van and begins to drive west.

I am just kind of curious how she drove west from California and managed to hit Kansas...

judge

06-13-2005, 03:23 AM

There was this guy (John) I knew in college in England that lost it.. He was short hairy and dirty. He looked like a Philippino Ewok. He smelled bad and his uni room was as dirty as you can imagine. He was a nerd. Into computers and stuff...

He was a nice guy really , quiet, kept to himself most of the time. then suddenly... he snapped...

Incident 1: My friends told me he was a bit depressed and he needed somenoe to talk to. So I invited him to my house and we started a game of magic. I didnt know how to play and I told him to teach me how... that brought a smile to that kids face... half way through the game I said something funny.. He looked up at me and chuckled like an imp.... and then said... "You know what? One day I am going to fuck you in the ass man..." and continued playing like nothing happened.

incident 2: I was in the student halls and some guy says "come quickly guys. John is in a right state!" So we all went to his room and he was lying on the floor looking at his computer screensaver on the desk and bawled like a baby. I asked him what was wrong and he said "when I do that I feel like I am back home again and the computer cooler sounds like rain on the window..."

incident 3: He woke up in the middle of the night and walked through the student halls in his underware. He entered a german guys room and sat on the foot of his bed, while the german guy was sleeping. The german guy woke up and saw john staring at him! I mean, STARING! intensly... and sweaty!

german guy -hey dood! what wrong! why are you not sleep?
john - They are watching me. The Americans! They put cameras everywhere.
g.g - What americain? Go sleep man. I am tired!
j. - NO! Its them! Look! (points to the ceiling)
g.g - Man.. this is water system.. for fire!
j. - No! This is a camera. they are everywhere in the student halls.
g. - Yes. Its for the fire man! when fire starts these things go "wheee wheee" and then water comes down!
j. - No! Are you stupid or something? They came again last night.. they came through my window and told me that they are going to eat my brain and take all my knowledge...

this is the point where the german guy left johnny in his room and came and woke the rest of us up and said "I had enough with you greeks. John came to my room and was strange on me. Take care of your friend, I need sleep! ok?"

incident 4. I really dont know what happened. Some girls were kind of freaked out (something really freaky must happened) and they contacted the university...

result: Johnny left for greece after a few days. Last I heard of him was that he was commited in a mental institute in Greece with "severe ... something-osis syndrome"...

College was never the same after that... Thats the only time I witnessed the deterioration of a person... I really dont know what happened to him...

He was also an ace student,, distinctions all over the place...

breakylegg

06-13-2005, 07:21 PM

Collin—odd, annoying neighbor from childhood. Whenever I’d stay w/ grandparents at their condo, he would come over and want to hang out. He would announce this by yelling through the kitchen window asking me if I wanted to go “urinate in the desert” with him. This happened many times a day. Grandma wouldn’t allow him inside. I accepted once just so I could peg him in the back with a rock. His other idea of fun was to “play drive-inn.” Only thing he needed was a flash light, a wall and a vacant stare. He was usually either peeing or staring at a wall most times I saw him. Turned out his dad was a notorious rapist in Spokane.

Mark—odd, annoying housemate from a few years back. He looked like a fucking Flying Karamzof Brother in his purple silk robe and cap that he wore EVERY DAY. He had a long, ZZ-Top-like beard and a degree in metallurgy. Apparently, this is what you need if you are a WIZARD. An ex-friend of his confided to me that he stopped being friends with Mark because he believed he controlled the weather to some extent. He was extremely anal retentive about making sure you got the recycling out on your appointed day and would sit in his room by the window that looked out into the backyard until it was taken out. This was all I had to do to get him to go whining behind my back. Then when it rained I would yell, “I’m sorry, Mark…Please shut it off!”

Saw him a few years later walking the street. This time in a blood red silk shirt, sunglasses and matching beard. He’d shaved his head and was walking with a cane. Saw him a few years after that and he was dressed in the same red get up.

Harvey the Indian—older co-worker a few years ago. He had been a drop dead drunk who used to sleep outside the luggage store. The owner gave him a job long as he got off the juice. Which he did although the damage was done. He carried lots of knives due to the ever-present threat of the Bloods and Crips. He traded odd stuff on the side and was always trying to get us to buy shitty guitars and radios that were always “the 2nd brand from the top”. He got to the store an hour before everyone else. If he was late he would go around the store and DC with a stepladder and manually push back all the clocks. Except he always forgot the one in the breakroom so we always knew when he was late. We never called him on it but we told everyone else. Once I saw him on the street and he walked right past me. Next day he said it was because I didn’t call him by his street name--"John”. He also had an Indian name--“Running Deer”. Right. He didn’t like it when we called him that. Much less Running Queer which earned us a couple of his clever retorts:

“Yeah, well I got your medallion swayin’ in the breeze, sonny boy.”

“I got you runnin’ all the way to Tacoma, Kookamonga.”

Then he would return to whisting the Andy Griffith theme for hours on end.

virago

06-14-2005, 12:33 AM

He was an exchange student over from the U.K. We got word of him early, and I was eagerly atnicipating the hot accent (not so much the bad teeth). This is what I got:
- The kid is just ass crazy. No other way to put it.
- He believes he has the ability to echolocate. For any morons out there, this is what bats do. It involves making high pitched noises and listening to how they bounce off walls... and then determining where the walls are. So the kid runs around campus with his eyes closed screaming like a woman and running full speed into walls.
- He has a dorm room but sleeps in lecture halls.
- I once had the following conversation with him:
Him: I want to take out a movie
Me: I'll need your identity.
Him: What?
Me: Uh, your ID card?
Him: That is NOT my identity, it is a piece of plastic! It does not represent who I am!
Me: Whoa, ok, chill.
Him: I CAN HUNT AND KILL ANIMALS IN THE SNOW!

Yes. Yes he can.

Jack of Spades

06-14-2005, 04:54 AM

Oh man, this thread was MADE for a guy I worked with.

I loaded trucks in a warehouse during my summers in high school, and the warehouse manager was the boss's brother, a guy named Kirk who was maybe 35 years old. He was born in East St. Louis, but had spent his twenties in and out of jail and had held a bunch of insanely dangerous jobs - working as an oilman in West Texas, crewing a fishing boat in the Gulf of Alaska, etc. He was constantly smoking and dipping on the job, and he was a holy terror to the customers, but it was the worst when we were alone in the warehouse.

- For one thing, he was the strangest-looking "normal" human being I have ever seen (i.e. no burn victims or amputees). It creeped me out just being around him. There wasn't anything obviously wrong with him, but you could immediately notice that something about his physical structure was off, in the way that you can tell a guy has an artificial leg even if he's wearing pants. He had long gangly legs and wore the same tight acid-wash jeans all the way up to his navel every single day. I was fucking scared of his face, too. He had these deep-set eyes and a caveman brow, and he'd maintain eye contact constantly during conversations. It didn't help that sometimes I'd walk into the back room and he'd be talking to himself. I always half expected to hear him saying something like "Of course it's necessary to kill the children too!"

- He was a ridiculous racist, and would scream at any Mexican-American customers who came by, especially if they were picking up orders in a nice car. I'm pretty sure his best line was "You listen to that shaggy nigger music anymore, and you'll turn into a fucking criminal." He also used to constantly ask me about my sex life, one time demanding that I "bring [my girlfriend at the time] in so I can get something to jack off to."

- Kirk had also had his drivers' license taken away for a DiMaggio-like streak of DUIs, so he had to ride his bike to and from work. Occasionally I'd see him in the afternoons, completely disregarding traffic lights at major intersections, weaving through traffic, and causing drivers to lay on their horns and give him the finger. In the mornings he'd ride to work drunk off his ass. Near the end of my third summer he flashed across an intersection on the way to work at 4 AM and a truck clipped him. According to the EMTs, who we talked to later, he flew 20 feet and landed on his head, opening up a gash so deep you could see his skull. I found this out when he wandered into work two hours after the accident, his shirt tied over his head and soaked with blood, bitching about the "goddamn California drivers." That was the last straw for the owner, though, and ol' Kirk got sent to a mental hospital in South Carolina, where I assume he still is.